IVF do you?

Tummy time

2009-06-05T12:34:00.000-07:00

Petra is consistently rolling from her back to tummy, but she's just on the verge of going the other way. She's now unswaddled in her crib for all naps and nighttime!

Nights are going well-- she's only up about once a night, and last night STTN!! 7:30-5:00! She probably would have even slept longer, but when I went to check on her at 5, she was on her tummy. Same thing happened yesterday. I flipped her over, and of course she woke up.

I have been reading and it is okay for them to choose their own sleep position once they are strong enough to roll, but it still concerns me, since SIDS peaks ~3-4 months.

First dunk

2009-06-01T13:25:00.000-07:00

Mark took Miss P to the pool on Friday. He blew in her face to get her to hold her breath, and then DUNK! I took the video, but I am not used to doing it and didn't get her reaction. Wups-- cute anyway

Outgrowing the fussies!

2009-06-01T13:01:00.000-07:00

I feel like Petra is outgrowing her fussiness!! She's been kind of a difficult baby since around 2w. She would cry a lot, and I couldn't really put her down for more than a few minutes. Or even hold her on my lap-- you had to be holding her while standing up! I know you can't spoil a newborn, but there were definitely times when I thought maybe I'm causing this. People would want to see her or have me bring her by, but it wasn't much fun for any of us when she'd just cry the whole time!

But I really feel like we've turned a corner. She is still fussy, but it seems like her happy times are longer. We actually went to Target today with NO meltdowns in the car seat and only a short bout of crying at the store. That is MAJOR!! I used to really not even want to leave the house with her because of the crying.

I think it is mainly because her vision has improved and now she can see stuff. She also is more interested in toys and playing, so I can sort of distract her.

Funny if she'd been in daycare, I probably would have credited them! She has about a month before she starts, so I'll at least get to enjoy her more now that we're home together!

I have a phone interview tomorrow with a job I'm really interested in, so I hope it goes well!! I am feeling like it is time to go back, though I really wish part time were more of an option.

Oh and sleep update: Unswaddled in her crib and last night she was pretty much NORMAL! She slept until about 3:30 and then was up at 6! I just hope it repeats!!

In the bumbo with coleus-- both from Mark's grandma.

Sleep Update

2009-05-29T07:50:00.001-07:00

Well, she was up a lot more than usual last night, but it was pretty easy to get her back down, so I can't complain. And she has her usual nap schedule this morning, although it was hard to get her to sleep! Plus, she ended up sleeping on her side, not sure if I like that, but her nose/mouth were totally clear to breathe. I'm sticking with it through the weekend, though!

Project Sleep in Crib: COLD TURKEY

2009-05-28T14:20:00.000-07:00

No more swaddle and no more swing! Now that Miss P can roll, it really isn't safe to swaddle her. And I wasn't strapping her into her swing, so that probably isn't so safe either.

She hasn't been sleeping that well since we got back from Indy, so I figured might as well just do it, since I'm not getting her to nap in long stretches or STTN anyway. I just tried it this afternoon with her nap, and OMG!!-- She's been sleeping for over an hour! It took awhile to get her down, but she's sleeping well. I'm going to keep at it over the weekend, since Mark will be home to relieve me, and hopefully she'll be done by next week!

That's how I roll!

2009-05-28T14:19:00.001-07:00

Petra decided she would roll from back to tummy first, instead of the other way around. She was getting tired, so you might want to watch on mute! ;)

We visited Mark's family and friends in Indy over Memorial Day. Petra was her usual fussy self at times, but she was also really stimulated by all her new surroundings and people. I think that is one reason she started to roll. So proud of her!

Project Sleep in Crib: Day 3

2009-05-22T06:05:00.000-07:00

Pretty good last night. She was a little hard to put to sleep, so I let her start out in the swing. I think it was because she didn't nap very well in the afternoon!

8-10 Petra swinging in swing
10-1 Petra in swing, not swinging!
1:30-6 Petra in crib!

Then she got tired again around 7:30, so she is napping in the swing! But pretty good. She moved off the wedge again, so I think I'm just going to take it out and see what happens...

Project Sleep in Crib: Day 2

2009-05-21T08:55:00.000-07:00

Petra did really well last night. No SWING until this morning!!

9-3 Petra in crib
3:30-6 Petra in crib!
7-8 Petra in swing

I think if she would have slept until 7, she could have made it through the morning for her nap. But overall very good girl!! I did use a wedge in her crib last night, though I don't think it made much of a difference. She actually moved off it at some point.

"Talking" Petra

2009-05-20T14:37:00.000-07:00

I'm unemployed and looking for a job right now, which is a little hard with a 3 month old! I just got a call that her daycare is avail at the end of June and there probably won't be a space until next year! So we'll probably put her in and HOPE I have a job by then or within a few months. Otherwise, we may take her out if the job market isn't looking so good.

Actually end of June would be pretty ideal for me to go back. I'm feeling ready, though I know it will be REALLY HARD to leave her every day, especially now that they are getting so fun and interactive. I feel like Petra grows so much every day. Lately she's been "talking" a lot and cooing at everything/everyone! I feel like the past few days it was hard to get her to nap because she is so interested in the world around her! But then she gets sooo fussy and tired.

I think today was the first day she realized I am the one who feeds her. She latched on and was staring right into my eyes and then broke out in a huge smile and then was sucking and staring at me. So cute! Normally she just sucks and doesn't seem to really notice anything else.

Here's her Talking video:
Petra Talking

Project Sleep in Crib: Day 1

2009-05-20T14:33:00.000-07:00

Petra STTN on Sunday AND Monday! Yay, but that was with her swinging in her swing all night. I'm starting to feel like she should be outgrowing the need for the swing, but it is a crutch for us when nothing else works, so many nights I just don't want to bother. So I'm starting Crib bootcamp!

8:30 Got Petra to sleep and swaddled her in the swing
9:30 turned swing motion off
3:30 Petra awake for feeding
4:00 very sleepy Petra back in crib
6:15 Petra up for the day

Ideally, I'd like her to go 8pm - 7am, but this was pretty good for crib sleeping! I'm going to try the same thing tonight and for the next couple days. Putting her down in the swing and then moving her to the crib.

We survived!

2009-05-18T18:10:00.000-07:00

Last week was the 3 month growth spurt, I think?! She was impossible!! She was hardly sleeping, incredibly fussy, and overall a very difficult week. I was thinking this is the new her?!

I thought it would never end and I'd have to get used to being sleep deprived and not getting anything done during the day. I wish I would have posted last week because it was hard, Hard, HARD! And I know I will never remember it and go through the same crisis next month when she has "the 4 month wakeful period"!

I was so relieved when Sunday she decided to take a long nap and even STTN last night!!! (8-7!) Whew! I'm not expecting a repeat, but yay for Miss P!! I got decent sleep until I woke up at 4 am worried about her- I finally got back to sleep at 5 am when I checked to make sure she was still breathing. Paranoid mommy!

As good of a sleeper as she is, she's back to sleeping in her swing. Hmmmm...so I need to get her back in the crib. I am not going to force the issue and honestly I don't even care if she keeps sleeping in the swing, but it makes taking her places difficult because she won't nap longer than 20 min. when laying on a flat surface. We'll get there...

on demand...

2009-05-05T12:57:00.000-07:00

I've been feeding on demand since Day 1, and in the beginning it was tough. Can she really be hungry AGAIN?! But I've gotten much better at reading her hunger cues and knowing when she needs the boob, which isn't as often as it used to be. She doesn't take a paci, so I use it to comfort her sometimes and she loves falling asleep while/after nursing. This is all fine for me now, but I was starting to worry about how anyone else would be able to take care of her?!

But you know, when mom isn't around, she knows the boobs aren't either! She will take a paci from Daddy and even tolerate being put to sleep without too much complaining. I think it is a little more difficult for her without me, but not impossible. So hopefully if/when I go back to work, she'll adjust.

Different Baby

2009-04-22T16:20:00.000-07:00

I swear Petra is changing so quickly! When we were in OK, she slept swaddled in a crib just fine! Good girl, but as much as I wanted to push her out of her swing and get her to STTN, it makes me sad to see her grow up. I didn't sleep in the nursery last night as usual, and I missed her!

She did great in Oklahoma. Everyone loved seeing her and holding her. I was having oversupply issues when we were traveling, which makes her choke (scary!) I wasn't pumping in the morning and she just seems to be eating less frequently. I'm trying to get her to stretch to 3 hours, but it also makes me really full and sometimes I only give her one side. I think I'm regulating now...

There were 5 babies on our side at Mark's family reunion. It was so fun to see them all together, and I felt so happy that we have Petra.

Another change-- she took a pacifier on the way home and really seemed to like it! Daddy gave it to her, so maybe she just won't take it from me when she can have the real thing? That's okay, as long as she can be soothed!

Experiments in Sleep...

2009-04-15T14:11:00.000-07:00

So from very early on Petra has been sleeping swaddled in her baby swing. And it works-- she goes to sleep ~7-2, 3-7, 8-9:30. But we're starting to feel like this can't go on forever, so we should probably transition her out of the swing. We were also thinking about not swaddling-- she's been sucking on her fingers lately, so she may even start soothing, which would be GREAT since she won't take a paci!

We tried to do it all last night-- what a disaster! Without being swaddled, it took her forever to fall asleep. When I tried putting her in the crib, her eyes popped right open! URG! I spent about 2 hours trying to get her down and then passed her off to Mark. He was with her until about midnight. I then fed her, swaddled, and put her in the swing. She slept 12:45-6:45! which is good, but what a nightmare getting her down, and she really needs a lot more sleep than that.

I think we need to do things one at a time. So, first goal is to get her out of the swing. I've been using the timer on the swing, so she swings for about 30 min, but then just sleeps in the swing not swinging. That has been going well, so hopefully we'll be able to move her out of the swing after a week.

We're visiting Mark's family in Oklahoma soon, which we're all really looking forward to, but I do worry about how the nights will go... His cousins have babies, so I'm hoping one of them will have a swing! But minimum, she'll be swaddled for sure!!

Car Seat Update-- she has suddenly taken to the car seat!! YAY!! We've been driving around without tears and even went in the stroller in a few stores and she fell asleep!! YAY!! She also fell asleep on the way home from Grandma's and took a nap in it for a few hours!

cabin fever!!

2009-04-13T10:21:00.000-07:00

Ugh, I really want to get out of the house sometimes, but I feel like I can't. Petra really hates her car seat, which means she hates her stroller. She can't sit up yet, so her stroller is just a frame that the car seat fits into. I wish I had taken her more places in the first few weeks to get used to it, but with the weather and cold & flu season, it really wasn't a good idea. And maybe she would still hate it?

If I put her in her car seat to go someplace, she'll be fine when she's in the car, but as soon as we get out and go into the store, she screams! which is awful if we're in Target or a restaurant or anyplace.

To go on walks, I put her in her moby wrap because we usually can't even get to the end of the block in the car seat-stroller. :( She just falls asleep in the Moby. I like wearing her, and I'm find with it for now, but I would like the option of using our stroller! Plus it is going to get kinda hot sooner or later.

My Happy Girl

2009-04-04T09:59:00.000-07:00

She's starting to smile!! (at the end of the slideshow)

Healthy Hips!

2009-03-30T14:33:00.000-07:00

Yay! I just got back from the specialist, and Petra DOES NOT have hip dysplasia!! Apparently the ultrasounds are notoriously wrong.

The doctor was SO NICE. He came in and examined her physically and said he didn't feel anything, but said we should do an x-ray just in case. She was a really good girl for her x-ray, and he showed me that she has totally healthy hips. He even pointed out some ball(?) that he said they sometimes don't see until 6 months. So he thought she was a very healthy girl! :) She goes back in June, just to be safe, but he didn't think she'd have any problems. And we don't have to do anything special for her.

Awesome! I'm so relieved! We would have dealt with it, but it definitely sounds like it can be a real challenge with this harness, casts, etc. I wish they had waited to let the doctor diagnose her, but now I am more aware about this condition, so if I ever see a parent with a baby that has it, I will know how to respond. I was so concerned that she would be treated differently, and that made me really sad. I also didn't like thinking about my baby in a harness or having to hold her a special way and not be able to snuggle her close. These parents are really strong for getting their kids the help they need.

I have a hip baby... (kinda bad news)

2009-03-28T14:12:00.001-07:00

So Petra was diagnosed with hip dysplasia. At her 1 month appointment, her hip was making this clicking sound, so the pedi ordered an ultrasound.

The u/s it showed that her left leg/hip was out of socket. It is more common in girls, first born babies, and breech babies (although Petra wasn't breech). This can cause problems later on when she is walking like a limp and arthritis. She has an appointment Monday with an orthpedic pediatric specialist.

Good news is they found it early (before her bones have calcified) and it is easily treated. Since we found it now, she probably will not need surgery or major casts and just need a harness that holds her legs in a 'froggy' position, but it is still a little distressing as her mom. I just want her to be healthy and happy.

I have felt a little sad about this, and I'm sure it will be hard to see her in her harness, but I feel so lucky to have her and she is still my beautiful, perfect baby.

Some links about hip dysplasia:
http://www.hip-baby.org/index.html

Mommy meltdown

2009-03-28T06:59:00.001-07:00

I think we're in the 6 week growth spurt. At least I hope that's what all this fussiness is about. A few days ago someone swapped my angel baby with this little devil! She is not sleeping nearly as well and it was really taking its toll.

Yesterday, I finally broke down and called Mark to come home early. He came in and I just left the house! I was crying when I left and felt really bad, but I just couldn't be around her for one more second. I was out for about 2 hours just to Kohl's and Target, but it was what I needed before I could face being a mom again.

Mark agreed she has been pretty hard to please lately, but she goes from a total pain in the ass to the most adorable baby in minutes!

9 lbs 14 oz!

2009-03-23T11:00:00.000-07:00

At her 1 month today, Petra has gained over 2 lbs!! Yay! :)

She was visited this weekend by her Sona Mausi (my stepsister). It was great having her here! Petra got lots of cuddling and Mark and I even got a sushi date!

Oh and she hasn't slept through the night again, but still doing pretty good for a 1 moth old!

She did it AGAIN!

2009-03-18T16:16:00.001-07:00

She slept from 10:30-6 am! I could get used to this, but I probably shouldn't!

She's going bald! As seen by the patch on the front of her head! I've also been finding hair in her hats!

And this is a pic from her daddy singing to her last night. She was in AWE! :)

OH! Thanks Ariella for saying it was common to nurse a lot in the evenings! I found this link with some great ifo:
http://www.kellymom.com/babyconcerns/fussy-evening.html

update

2009-03-17T08:26:00.001-07:00

Breastfeeding is going well so far. I haven't had any issues with supply or infections. We just introduced bottles and pacifiers this past week. She definitely prefers me, but she'll take a bottle and is learning to soothe with the pacifier.

Last weekend she was visited by my sister's family from Atlanta and met her cousins! It was fun to see all of them together, even though she still isn't too interactive.

This week Mark went back to work, and I'm doing okay home with Petra. I have been wearing her with a Moby wrap, so I can get some things done. She sometimes naps in her bouncer, but goes to sleep much easier next to me.

sleep begets sleep

2009-03-17T06:12:00.000-07:00

I think we are REALLY lucky-- this baby is a GREAT sleeper! There have been several nights where she has slept in 4+ hour stretches, wakes up to eat, and goes right back to sleep. And last night she pretty much slept through the night! She was out from 10:30 - 5 am. I'm not necessarily expecting a repeat, but it seems like she'll be one of these babies who sleeps through the night early on.

That said, I do get tired in the evening. She seems to want to nurse almost every hour after 5 pm, but I try to be patient, since I know I'll get my break at night.

My Birth story (long!)

2009-02-28T04:56:00.000-08:00

Getting pregnant was really hard, but I feel so lucky because for the most part, BEING pregnant was an absolute joy I loved nearly every minute. And I feel like my birth was everything I wanted it to be. We have so little control over our bodies and our fertility, so I feel very thankful to have come through this with a little girl and feel ultimately SPOILED to have had the pregnancy and birth that I did.

Recap:
38w2d 3 cm 60% effaced "You will go any day!"
39w2d 3 cm 60% effaced "Maybe we'll see you this weekend!"
40w6d 4 cm 60% effaced "We should schedule an induction"
41w2d 6 cm 80% effaced "I know I'll be delivering you this weekend."
41w3d Started REAL labor!!

I went to the midwife on Friday 2/20 desperate to avoid an induction, which was scheduled for Tuesday. Having a natural birth has been very important to me, so I really didn't want to use pitocin. The MW seemed convinced I would go before then and wouldn't need the induction, though they'd been telling me that for weeks! She also recommended I take Castor Oil the next morning to naturally induce. I was nervous about doing it on my own, but under her care/direction, I was willing to try.

2/21
11 am drank 4 oz castor oil with a smoothie
12 pm puked everything in my stomach!
2 pm had bad diarrhea (liquid)
2:30 pm timeable contractions started coming every 4-6 min! After about 30 min of those, we called the midwife and headed to the hospital

3:30 pm
We got to the hospital and were admitted. When I got to my room, I was put in a gown on the bed and hooked to the fetal monitor. Contractions were painful, but I could rest/recover during the breaks. After they saw good movement/heartbeat, I was able to get in the jacuzzi bath! HEAVEN! Contractions still hurt, but I was able to work through them much better on my hands and knees in the nice tub. They also had some bars around the tub to hold if I wanted to stand up. Mark was amazing, helping me breath through all the contractions and pouring warm water over me.

5:40 pm
After awhile in the tub, I started feeling too warm and nauseous, so I got out and sat on my birth ball. I was definitely in a lot more pain and contractions were coming closer together. I never felt an urge to push, but after awhile, the nurse helped me into bed to check my dialation -- I was at 9+ with almost no cervix, so I stayed on the bed. My water still hadn't broken, but I felt a little trickle. Just as my midwife was about to break it, I felt a big gush. Fortunately, the water was clear, so no meconium! I was a little worried since she was so late and the castor oil!

6:20 pm
Shortly after that I felt a HUGE movement! My baby had been posterior almost her entire 3rd tri, and I think this is when she turned. After she turned and moved down, I had a few bad contractions, still not feeling any urge to push, but they checked again and I was ready.

6:30 pm
The contractions hurt really badly, and somehow pushing felt much better. They pushing was physically intense, but I was not in pain. During all of it my midwife was using oil and massaging my perineum, which hurt. (Thanks to my midwife I had no perineal tears!! I did have a small labial tear, but it hasn't really hurt to use the bathroom or anything, so I feel pretty lucky! I did Kegels and perineal massage for weeks prior to the birth, so that probably helped too.)

Mark was holding one of my legs and watched the whole thing! I hadn't really wanted to watch and was even a little freaked out when the nurses had me reach down and feel her head! But every push felt productive and I knew I was getting close when the nurses came in with the warmer. This motivated me, and I kept pushing harder.

7:40 pm
I had one huge push and felt her head come out. I waited for a contraction and pushed again and out came baby Petra! They put her on my chest and she was so squirmy and wiggly! We delayed the cord cutting until it was no longer pulsing and Mark got to cut it. We are a family! Amazing!

Here is the slideshow:

Mark is an AMAZING daddy already!

2009-02-27T09:06:00.000-08:00

Mark really is an amazing father. It seems like a lot of men are afraid of babies and especially newborns.

When we were in the hospital, Mark would wake up in the morning and hold her for an hour and gaze into her eyes!

The only time she seemed to cry was when she was cold and getting her diaper changed. Mark rigged up a heater (after mean mama said not to bother) and now she gets a warm air bath and happy diaper changes.

The past few nights have been rough with her staying awake or nursing a good part of the night. Mark figured out how to calm her (thank you Happiest Baby on the Block!) and got me much more sleep and a happier baby.

He also sings and plays guitar to her daily and she just eats it up!

And he does just the little things, very nurturing-- like changing her diaper or putting a hat on her or snuggling and kissing her.

I love my husband so much, and having a baby has really enriched that relationship in a very special way. I love seeing him being a father to Petra. I feel so lucky to have this family.

I had my baby!!

2009-02-27T07:54:00.000-08:00

I will post the birth story soon. I know everyone disappears for awhile after they have their babies and now I know why! If I'm not caring for her, I am sleeping! But it is so amazing being a mom. I cannot describe how much I love this little baby.

Petra Jo M born 2/21 at 7:40 pm 7 lbs 11 oz 20"

6 cm & 80% effaced

2009-02-20T14:31:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe I'm not in active labor?! This has either been the longest pregnancy or longest labor ever! 7 cm is usually "transition" when you are in the most painful part, according to my birth class instructor!!

I saw the midwife this weekend, and she seemed confident I would not need the induction on Tuesday. I hope she is right, but they have been telling me that for 3 weeks now! However, I have made a lot of progress since Tuesday when I was at 4cm and 60%. So I might actually believe her this time. Again, the baby is still doing great, so no worries on keeping her in a little longer.

She swept my membranes and also recommended the castor oil tomorrow morning, so I'm going to do that. I'm not sure if it will put me in labor, but I can call her over the weekend, so I feel more comfortable doing that than just trying it on my own.

She also said the they may just break my water instead of starting pitocin for the induction. I'm not sure which I would prefer. In some ways, I like the natural breaking the water with no pit and still able to change positions, etc, but I have also read if the baby is posterior and labor is stalled, you shouldn't break the water because the cushion of water gives the baby more opportunity to get in position. So, I'll have to weight the pros/cons of that.

But overall, I'm feeling much better about the birth and hopefully going into labor on my own. I may actually meet my baby this weekend...!

Getting over it

2009-02-18T10:57:00.000-08:00

I went to the doctor yesterday and the good news is the baby is still doing fantastic-- perfect heartrate on the NST and perfect fluid level. So no urgency in getting her out.

But the bad news is, I am still pregnant and now I have an induction date for Tuesday. I was seriously in labor for a few hours last night-- like major contractions that increased when I was walking. But I got home had it for another hour and then it all disappeared! Beyond frustrating!

I started looking into things a little more, and I think the reason I'm going so late is because she is posterior. Her head just isn't in the right position to trigger labor. I had not been worrying about this because I thought she'd just turn when I was in labor, but now I'm wishing I would have done more. I've been trying now, but I think she's too big and too low until I start getting contractions again.

I think maybe I should just resign myself to the idea of having a c-section. And it isn't guaranteed I will need a C, but I think I need to prepare for that since it is about 50% chance. I don't have a lot of confidence that the induction will work-- I think I'll be in labor and then she won't be able to turn and then go into distress.

I keep telling myself, I should be thankful I'm having a baby at all. So what if the birth isn't the perfect birth I had so wanted?-- that may not have happened anyway.

And what is bad about a c-section if the baby arrives safe and alive? I'm just scared bonding and breastfeeding won't go well or that my uterus will collapse (already had 1 surgery and it is abnormally shaped). I wouldn't choose it, but my little girl is the most important thing.

Sister Visit!

2009-02-16T10:57:00.001-08:00

My stepsister came this weekend. I think the original idea was to see the baby, but she is still not coming out! We still had a fun time, though. We saw my parents, went for a walk, watched a few movies, and just hung out-- nice to have a distraction for the weekend!

Nothing much new to report on the baby. She's still moving around a lot, and I'm feeling so ready to have her! The most uncomfortable part is this little burning spot on my upper belly-- nothing seems to help. And I'd love to be able to sleep on my back and/or tummy again.

I go to the doctor tomorrow to strip my membranes and do a NST just to monitor the baby and my contractions. I feel like things are progressing, just slowly-- I get more cramping and more contractions every day, but it never seems to turn into labor. I'm also going to acupuncture tomorrow too.

Still pg, but got a card "Congratulations on the birth of your baby!"

2009-02-13T10:59:00.001-08:00

Um no. I'm still pregnant! Ugh, but I've resigned myself that she is overdue and I'm okay with that. I was getting anxious because I wanted her here more for others even than myself. I keep getting emails from well-meaning friends who just want to know, but it was making me feel like there was something wrong! And my sister is flying in tonight, though I had told her awhile ago that there may not be a baby-- though I think we both expected there would be!

I had a OB appt. yesterday, and it went well. Baby is still measuring great-- she suspected 6.5-7 lbs, just by feeling, so not huge, which is good, since that could cause problems getting her out! She also told me she is posterior (sunny side up), which I had thought myself for awhile! She could change during labor, so I'm just going with that. Apparently her head was really low and "wedged" in there, so I don't know if there's much I can do to change it anyway until contractions start.

And the most exciting part-- she stripped my membranes! It was uncomfortable, but not horribly painful. Hopefully since I feel so ready, this will give me the extra boost I need. I go back Monday or Tuesday and they'll do it again along with a non-stress test, just to make sure the baby is doing okay. I go again on Thursday or Friday, when they'll do it again and then schedule the induction.

Induction won't happen until 42w, which I would prefer, and I may try to push a few extra days if baby is okay. It will be a little boring for our visitors, but the most important thing is waiting until the baby and my body are really ready.

I'm going to acupuncture today too, so hopefully that will give me a boost as well. I feel the most on the nights after acu, so I think it is doing something...

40weeks minus 1 day

2009-02-10T12:25:00.001-08:00

Hopefully my last belly pic (for awhile!):

I'm measuring ~38weeks, depending on who the midwife is! So she still has a little room to grow.

Update to Bells Palsy

2009-02-09T13:11:00.000-08:00

I think it *might* be getting a little better. I'm in a lot of pain on my left ear only at night for some reason, but I think I can turn up the corner of my mouth now?! I tried to take a picture, but honestly, no one could probably tell.

I would love it if this crap goes away soon!

I give up!

2009-02-09T12:46:00.000-08:00

Okay, I have no idea when this kid is coming?! Sometimes I feel like it is really close, but then I start feeling good and don't think she'll be here for awhile.

In all reality, I'm not *that* uncomfortable. I feel big and it is hard to bend over and turn over in bed and the Bell's Palsy sucks, but I'm not in pain or swelling.

But I was really down last week, wondering when she would come-- I think they got me all excited. I was the same 3cm+ on Friday and this midwife didn't seem too concerned-- although she said something about who would be on call over the weekend?! whatever!

I was also feeling a little anxious because my sister is coming this weekend and Mark's parents will be here next week, and there may not be a baby. Plus, I don't want to go into labor when we have people here-- I think it will stress me out to have anyone around, except Mark. I don't want my mom or anyone at the hospital until after she is here.

But more than that, I don't want to be induced. I hope it won't come to that-- I don't think there is much risk of the baby getting too big, since I'm measuring ~38w, and I don't think they really start looking at it until after 41w. I shouldn't think about it now.

Getting closer?

2009-02-06T10:07:00.000-08:00

Well, last night was miserable, so maybe I'm actually getting closer?

We went to sushi, and got some extra spicy rolls. I felt awful just before bed-- kind of like bad indigestion, but nothing really helped. Then the Bell's Palsy started this pain behind my ear that would NOT go away. I was able to sleep with a heating pad on my head behind my ear. Plus, she was rolling and moving around like crazy last night. I hope she wasn't bothered by the spicy food. Poor baby! I also lost my 'mucus plug' this morning. I'll spare the details, but it is also a good sign labor is coming.

This morning I woke up and still felt pretty bad, but amazingly I went to acupuncture and now feel soooo much better! It was strange because he put in a few needles and asked "does your tummy feel better?" and I realized "YES! It does!" Wow-- amazing! He mainly worked on labor stuff today because I'm improving on my face, but the biggest work will probably come after she is here.

So no baby yet, but maybe soon?!

Productive Day

2009-02-03T14:00:00.001-08:00

I'm feeling better today. I had acupuncture this morning, so I'm not sure if it was that or just getting out of the house?

I tackled a couple things that I really needed to get done that would be a lot harder after she is here-- getting on Mark's dental plan, since I'd have to do COBRA for mine. Thank goodness I'm already on his medical!

And I also did more to fight back on my disability. I don't even know if I'll get the money, but I want them to deny me because of employment, NOT because of some idiot who didn't even call my doctor. I got my medical forms and a doctor's note saying my last day of work was Jan 15, so hopefully that is enough!

I've also been trying to get in touch with HR about my severance. They only want to give me 4 weeks, even though I have worked there for 6 years, meaning I should get 6 weeks. I took a leave while we moved, but I was always employed by them. I think it is still going to be a fight, and I'm not hopeful. But they need to answer my questions. And as much as I dread doing this, I know it won't be easier after the baby is here!

So overall, probably good she hasn't come yet! Now we're hoping for Thursday because that is my mother-in-law and Mark's birthdays! It will be 3 generations born on Feb 5th! And then I don't need to get Mark a present, right?! :) And then most of you who took my poll might be right-- 39th week!

still waiting...

2009-02-02T18:12:00.000-08:00

I felt like she might be coming this weekend, but we're still waiting! I would be surprised if it takes another week, but we'll see...

I have felt pretty down the past couple of days. I think it is just being at home and the Bell's Palsy and just waiting. I just don't feel perky or excited about anything. Usually if I feel this way, getting out of the house or being active helps, but in this case, I just feel exhausted. I think it is more of a hormonal thing. I hope when the baby comes, I'll be full of all those "love" hormones, that I'll be able to shake this. Mark is a very calming influence, which is nice. He has been making me walk a ton to try to bring on the labor-- he's ready to meet his baby!

I got a stupid letter from disability saying my doctor never called them back, so they closed my case. Last week they left me a message and I called them back with the right extension since they had just been calling the nurse's line, but apparently they closed it anyway. Annoying! So now I have to chase down the medical records in order for them to reopen my case. As if I needed something else to do, but I AM doing it. I think this is part of their game to deny people what they are owed.

I also haven't called about my severance. Or I just did tonight, but had to leave a message. I have been feeling so unmotivated to fight with them. And I really wanted to come at them from a place of strength, which I really haven't been feeling. But I think I can do it now-- I feel up for a fight.

I am uncomfortable, but I'm still sleeping well, so I can be happy about that. Right now I'm feeling the baby simultaneously kick and punch me as she tries to spread out (no more room lady!). And now it is causing a contraction. She's got to be coming soon, right?!

Progress! @ 38w 2d

2009-01-31T08:45:00.000-08:00

I went in for my regular OB appt yesterday (after already going 2x earlier that week for the Bell's Palsy). They were really late and making me late for acupuncture and I was getting upset.

As soon as she walked in, she asked if I'd been having contractions. Sure-- all the time, and I've had pretty bad cramps the past several mornings. So she decided to give me an internal. I am 3 cm dilated and 60% effaced!! OMG-- I thought I had some dilation, but I wasn't expecting to be so far along! After that, I didn't really think too much about the BP-- I'm just excited to meet my daughter!

After the exam, they hooked me up to the monitor. I was having little contractions at about 6 min apart. They thought I would go into labor sometime this weekend! So, I think these tired, emotional feelings are mostly because of the labor. I was never hormonal or emotional during my pregnancy-- if anything, it really evened me out, and I just felt calm (a big change from the roller coaster infertility cycles!).

So, now we wait... We walked last night and I felt a lot of Braxton Hicks, but only 1 or 2 *real* contractions. Maybe tonight?

I also went to acupuncture yesterday for the BP. He used several points on me, but didn't want to go too strong since I'm so close to delivery. I have another appointment on Sunday, so we'll see if I make it!

Getting worse every day

2009-01-30T09:42:00.000-08:00

The Bell's Palsy just keeps getting worse every day. I wonder if I'll wake up tomorrow with complete paralysis. I might have opted for the steroids if I'd known it was going to keep progressing. And now I think it is too late-- I should have had them very early on. I can barely move the left side of my face at this point. I have been taping my eye closed to go to bed at night, and I can't talk properly, and water spills out of my mouth.

In better news, my acupuncturist is going to get me in right away! So nice of him-- I had thought about it, but I really couldn't justify the cost. And it seems like everything that I've read just says it goes away on its own.

I feel like I should just be happy I'm having a healthy baby, but I can't even move my face to cry right now. It is starting to take a psychological toll because I don't think I'll be able to smile at my baby, which makes me really sad.

Bad Day :(

2009-01-26T14:25:00.000-08:00

So I woke up yesterday and felt these little twitches on the left side of my face. Kinda weird, but I really didn't think much of it. I just figured the baby was pushing on a nerve or something funny. This morning I woke up and the left side of my tongue was a little numb. I googled around and figured out I have Bell's Palsy. I went to the OB today, and they confirmed it.

Fortunately, everything with the baby is just fine and this shouldn't affect her at all. I have a really mild case, since some people have paralysis on half their face. Mine is mostly twitching and my left eye is really dry. The doctor said it would likely clear up on its own. I just started getting scared because I don't know if this is the peak or I could wake up tomorrow with no expression on the left half of my face!

I keep telling myself this is all temporary and if this is the worst thing that happens to me during pregnancy, I'm doing pretty darn good. But I am also getting much more emotional and sensitive as the days get closer. I'm so glad I'm not working right now, but that leads me to my other bad news.

I have worked at my company for 6 years, meaning I should get 6 weeks of severance. However, I left my job in CA and became a casual employee for about 3 months until they asked me to come back full time. I never planned to come back, but I was specifically told not to quit until I got another job, so I could maintain my "years of service" if I ever did come back.

Well, you probably see where this is going-- they keep telling me I'm a "rehire" and I only get 4 weeks. I have denied my severance until I get some answers on this. But I just feel too emotional to call right now. And I feel this ticking clock that my baby could come any day now and I would really like to get this all resolved before then.

I'm just feeling overwhelmed by all of this, and certainly don't feel like the fighter I need to be. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow, and I can deal with it then.

My DIY Projects: boppy & nursing cover

2009-01-25T08:14:00.001-08:00

I finished more DIY stuff, and this may be it... I made a boppy cover and a "hooter hider" with some leftover fabric.

For the boppy, I just cut up the old cover to make a pattern. I had bought it on consignment, so I didn't really like it anyway. It was really simple, and I actually had a lot of fun making it! The fabric is brown/pink damask on one side and this cute Eiffel Tower fabric on the other.

For the hooter hider, I used the patterns found here:
http://www.breastfeeding123.com/free-pattern-to-sew-your-own-nursing-cover/ Although I used ribbon for the straps, instead of making my own.

Take my Poll!

2009-01-22T19:38:00.001-08:00

I've been feeling some signs that she's getting ready, so just thought I'd add a fun poll to see when my faithful readers thought she might be born!

I'm 37 weeks now, so full term, meaning she could be born anytime and not be considered premature. I've been having a lot of practice contractions lately, and also some just menstrual kind of cramping. And I feel like she is dropping lower too. I get these sharp little pains when I walk around sometimes. I have a doctor appt tomorrow, but I'm not sure if they do internal exams, so I may or may not get a progress update. Either way, I'll be having a baby anytime now!

So crazy to think about?! I'm actually glad that I'm not working right now, or I might be feeling kind of stressed to think about her coming so soon. I have really liked this week at home to just relax and feel more prepared. Getting there....

Nursery Pics!

2009-01-20T15:56:00.000-08:00

Here is a slideshow of our Parisian Poodle nursery-- nearly complete, except for Baby! I did the wall letters as "Bebe" which is baby in French. I made the wall letters, crib skirt, valences, and beading on the lamp. I'm so happy with the result! Mark's mom is also making her a crib quilt with coordinating fabrics. The balloons are from my shower (over a month ago), so they won't be staying too long.

Last day of work...

2009-01-16T08:35:00.000-08:00

I was laid off yesterday! I'm not quite sure how I feel. This is something I've sort of been wanting for awhile-- I hate my job and knew I would need to find something else on maternity leave. So now I get to leave and get some $$. But part of me is really irritated that they did this the week before I was going on maternity leave. I mean-- who lays off a 9 month pregnant woman?! I guess the timing isn't as bad as it might be like if I was 6 months or something.

I'm also annoyed because I have a ton of questions about collecting unemployment while pregnant and post partum and disability that they really couldn't answer. Come on-- if you are going to lay off the pregnant woman, you should at least know the benefits! They told me yesterday if I had already been out, I could keep collecting. And I told them I filed my claim yesterday, so does that mean my claim will go through? I've also been working there just 2 weeks shy of 1 year, which I have no idea what that means for unemployment?! I have to go back today and turn in my laptop, so hopefully they will be able to tell me.

My manager was upset that he had to do this. He said it basically makes no sense because if they are trying to cut costs-- why would they fire someone who is getting ready to go on a big leave? It also continues to surprise me that they don't let the managers make the decisions about who should go. This was the case with the layoff in June.

Anyway, overall, I probably did make out really well working there. It was very flexible, which was great for doing IVF. It was very low stress, and there were plenty of days where I took it really easy.

And financially, we'll be fine. I am on Mark's healthplan, and the baby will be too. She hasn't started daycare, so we can defer that until I'm working again (much better than having to pull her out and put her on the waiting list again!). We don't make quite enough to sustain me staying at home indefinitely, but our deficit isn't that bad.

I think I'd just feel a lot better if I had my questions answered.

went to LLL meeting today

2009-01-14T10:00:00.000-08:00

I went to a Le Leche League meeting today. I heard it was a good idea to go before you have the baby, just to make some contacts. I'm glad I went, and I even checked a few books out from their "library"

There were about 10 moms and lots of kids of varying ages. We first introduced ourselves and then the leader read the LLL mission. We went around and talked about anything cute/milestones our babies had done (mine was hiccuping!). Then we talked about "Myths of Breastfeeding" which was today's topic. It was good, but I kind of felt like there was a little bit of bashing going on-- like is BFing really that adversarial? They talked about crap they'd gotten from other moms, family, work peers, pediatricians(?!), etc. Maybe it was just the topic? But overall it was nice to meet some other moms and get their take on things.

I feel like I've got a ton of info/support on breastfeeding now, so I just hope my baby takes to it!

Maternity Pics! @ 36w

2009-01-12T08:03:00.000-08:00

We took some maternity pictures this weekend! I just had my mom and Mark do them, since I doubt they'll be something I frame/hang. They came out really cute! Looking at some of them-- I can't believe this is my body?! I was wearing some of my pre-pg jeans. Getting them on was...interesting, even unzipped! I think my hips (read ASS) has really spread. I don't know if these will ever fit again?! Oh well, I'm sure it will all be worth it.

OMG-- I just looked at my ticker, only 30 days left! Wow-- I never thought I'd get here. I can't believe I'm going to be a mom in just 1 more month.

All are here:

slide show

Here are some of my favorites:

Happy New Year!

2009-01-04T18:22:00.000-08:00

2008 was a really good year for me. We moved back to NC from CA and managed to land on our feet! We both got jobs and bought a house and did IVF. I've had a really easy/happy pregnancy. And Obama got elected (had to throw that in for Mark).

So 2009 is looking to be an amazing year. We get to meet our little girl! I can't believe I'm going to be a mom in just over a month!

I started 2009 with the stomach flu, which was a little scary. I was worried Lulu wasn't doing well, and I was getting dehydrated, but I also just felt awful. I would have tons of Braxton Hicks after my bathroom trips :( Fortunately, it only lasted about a day, and Lulu seems to be fine-- moving around like normal!

I planned to do more in the nursery before I got sick, but I did manage to get through all her washing and organizing. I just loved folding all her little outfits. I can't believe we're going to be dressing her up in these tiny little sleepers! The nursery is in good shape and baby-ready, but I'd still like to get to the window valences and wall letters...

Weird PG stuff @ 33w

2008-12-23T11:19:00.000-08:00

Some stuff that I've noticed lately...

1. I just feel awful if I lay on my back or even recline in bed to read. I know there is some artery that the weight of the uterus cuts off. I can't imagine laying on my back for labor-- there's a reason other cultures squat!

2. I have been feeling Lulu hiccup! At least that's what I think she's doing...? I feel these little tiny rhythmic taps, down low by my pelvic bone 1-2 times per day. So cute!

3. I've been doing "kick counts" (sort of). Some days, I just KNOW she's moving around a lot, so I don't really bother counting it, but just think she's good in there. Hopefully I won't get yelled at that my card isn't filled out!

4. I'm low on iron (STILL). Maybe this is related to why I feel so awful on my back? I'm already on a supplement, but I guess it isn't absorbing like it should. I'm right on the borderline, but I really need to get it in check. So I'm eating Total cereal and taking my supplement mid-day with OJ.

5. I think Lulu's still posterior. They keep saying she's too small to tell, but they'll check her position at the next appointment (34w). I'm 99% sure she's head down, but I do still feel her hands in the front now and then.

I only have 50 more days left-- seems long and short at the same time! I can't wait to meet her, though. Mark has been playing guitar for her and singing lullabies quite a bit lately-- usually Dream a Little Dream of Me :)

Baby Shower

2008-12-16T07:48:00.000-08:00

Not the greatest pic of me, but you can kinda see my bump the best.My shower was this weekend, hosted by my lovely stepsister, Sona, and helped out a lot by my sister, Kirstin. It was small, but really wonderful. Everyone was so sweet and generous! I felt really loved!

The main activity was creating onesies for Lulu. Everyone was so creative, and she'll have a lot of cute ones to wear.

For the shower, they put a pink balloon on our mailbox, and I got a call yesterday from our neighbor asking if we had the baby! Ooops! This neighbor is actually a new mom, and it was so great talking to her. She sounds in total bliss about her daughter-- I can't wait!! Just 8 more weeks...!

All photos are here:
http://www.kodakgallery.com/ShareLanding.action?c=ku6u4sz.8dfcizz7&x=0&y=-t35fjq&localeid=en_US

Look back Lulu!

2008-12-12T12:41:00.000-08:00

At my last appt, the midwife thought my baby was posterior. She had a hard time finding the heartbeat, and when she did-- it was low, but she had to poke in. And this is so cute-- I can feel her little hands moving around my pubic bone like little bubbles. So good news-- baby is head down and hopefully will stay that way. But, I've been reading more about posterior babies, and it definitely sounds like a harder, longer birth with more medical interventions. I'll miss you little hands, but you need to turn around!

The midwife said it was early and not to worry, but Lulu is definitely comfortable where she is-- so I'm going to try to be more conscious about sitting up straight and leaning forward for awhile, which is good for me anyway.

30w Belly

2008-12-08T07:31:00.001-08:00

She's growing, but I still feel really good!

Thanksgiving & last class

2008-12-03T09:07:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving was great! We went down to Atlanta to see my family. We flew down, which was probably easier on me than driving. Dinner was great, and my niece and nephew were so excited about Lulu (what they call the baby)! I think everyone got to feel her kick. My sister hired a photographer to do some family shots, so we got a few pictures (see proof).

We had our last birthing class, and things were more focused on infant care and being a new parent. I honestly can't wait to meet our daughter, but I am also expecting it to be pretty hard. The first month or so when she doesn't even smile, but just NEEDS the whole time would have to be rough. Plus, dealing with the sleep deprivation and just physically recovering from pregnancy and all those hormones.

I also have noticed my feet are getting a little swollen! They don't hurt and aren't too bad, so I was shocked to look down one day and notice I couldn't really see the tendons in my feet like usual! I have been trying to put them up at work, which seems to be helping.

Birthing Class #5

2008-11-25T07:32:00.000-08:00

We had our 5th (of 6) birthing classes last night. We were supposed to think of our ideal, real, and nightmare birth experiences (A, B, C). For me, A= natural birth with no episiotomy, B= vaginal birth with some interventions (meds, epis, vacuum), C=labor not progressing, baby in distress, emergency C-section. But she told a story about a person in her class who wrote A=healthy mom, healthy baby, B=healthy mom, baby dies, C=mom dies, baby dies.

Of course this puts everything in perspective, and I know the only thing that matters is my baby arriving healthy and well. It is strange, I never think about birth as being a life-threatening experience for me? Maybe I would if I had more complications, but I worry far more about the baby than I do my own life.

We also had more social time last night, so Mark was telling everyone we had pictures of our baby 5-days past conception since we did IVF. We hadn't really shared that before, but it was surprising how non-controversial it was and how distant I felt from all the feelings of infertility as we told about it. I guess being in that class makes me feel more like a normal pg woman than someone who is broken and damaged, as I used to feel.

I'm not sure if it is because I got PG so quickly after starting treatment, or if there was such a clean break when we moved from CA, or if I just don't want to have that pain anymore. I will never forget how I felt, but I am healing, and I just feel lucky to see my body changing and know that I am really on my way to being a mom.

Nursery in progress...

2008-11-20T06:09:00.000-08:00

So we got everything set up in there, but there's still quite a bit to do! We've got all the basic furniture, but we need to cute it up and get some color. I have some fabric for window valences and Mark is going to do a mural of the Eiffel Tower. And we have some pictures to hang too. My mom had a cute idea of making wall letters that say Bebe (french for baby) until we're ready for the name.

The only thing that might change is the rocker. It is a family heirloom from my side. I think it is fine, but Mark thinks it is going to break since it is very creaky and might even wake the baby. I don't really want to buy something else, but I can see his point. If it stays, I might also want to paint it white, since the blond is a little out of place. My mom is also making a pad for it.

We figured we'd leave the single bed in there for late nights when she is up a lot. It was mine when I was a little girl.

And the winner is...

2008-11-17T07:24:00.000-08:00

Daycare #1! Mark loved the idea of the webcams, and I felt like they were the best, but I wasn't sure if it was worth it. But when I priced it out they weren't significantly more than place #3. They're also very close to home, so either of us could do pickup/dropoff, and when she is older they pickup from our school.

Now the only issue is that she likely can't start until August or later, so we'll have to figure something out until we get the call. However, I really liked the idea of personal/home daycare when she is tiny, so it could work out really well.

Anyway, I'm just glad to have this out of the way... for now...!

Mark put together the crib and changing table this weekend! Yay! I wanted to do more in the nursery, but I ended up working in the yard on Saturday and wore myself out! We also have a bookshelf that we need to get out of there, so once I do that, I'll try to post pictures in progress.

Daycare Tours!

2008-11-14T09:06:00.001-08:00

I toured 3 daycare centers today. The babies are all SO CUTE! OMG-- I can't wait!

Anyway, all the centers would be acceptable-- the babies are well cared for, can crawl around on the floor as they choose (no shoes in the room), and have little report cards and adaptable schedules.

Place 1-- pricey, affluent parents & area, close to home, long waiting list (probably couldn't start until August), big center, very new, webcams to view room at any time.

Place 2-- very close to Mark's work (not mine), average price, more diversity among the kids and staff, only goes to Pre-K, smaller center, older not as fancy as #1

Place 3-- between Mark's work and home, definitely the mid-range between #1 and #2, large gym that even the babies can play in, 2 infant rooms, clean (esp. changing area), sweet & caring people, goes to 12 yrs.

I think I like #3 the best. It definitely seemed right in between #1 and #2, and they have space available.

3rd TRI & daycare search begins...

2008-11-11T08:39:00.000-08:00

Oh my! I'm in the 3rd trimester! Wow-- I remember thinking time was going by so slowly in my 1st tri and I just wanted to get through the scary stuff. This pregnancy is going by quickly in some ways, but I'm trying to savor every moment! I read someplace that "no one thinks they are cute when they are pregnant" Ummm-- I hope this isn't braggy, but I DO! I love how I look!

I'm doing a few daycare tours on Friday. We'll probably start her in June (4 months). I have been dragging on getting that done, and one of them already doesn't have any spots until August/September. But it is one of the pricier ones and probably not worth it. I was also really interested in a home daycare, but they told me to call back after the baby was born. So I'll probably reserve a spot at a center, but also look into home care after the baby is born.

I also went to a conference last week for Society of Women Engineers-- there was a session on Off-Ramp/On-Ramp your career. Taking time off for child care or elder-care or anything and then coming back. Even if I took longer than the standard 3 months, I know I would want to come back to work. It is something that I think about-- taking off a few years or even going part time, especially since I hate my job so much! It will be hard to leave my baby and come to work at this job and feel motivated/productive. Hopefully I'll find something relatively quickly after my maternity leave! There's also a chance I will be laid off, which would be a gift!

Also everyone at the conference was telling me I look small! I feel big, but this baby has to grow over 3x her size, so I guess I'm glad I'm not huge yet!

99 DAYS TO GO & 26w Belly Pic

2008-11-04T09:14:00.000-08:00

One day early, but here it is-- It doesn't look like I've grown a lot in a month, but I think I'm poking out a little more. Definitely no mistaking that I'm pregnant now!

Last night we had our 2nd birthing class. It was really useful for understanding the stages of labor and the average time each stage really lasts. It sounds like if you can get through the first 8 hours of intense pain, there's only a few hours of excrutiating pain! I think it is useful to think about that-- I always remember when I was running a lot, things were much more bearable when I had a ballpark of how much longer it was going to be.

Anyway, after Mark said he was really glad we were taking it because he is understanding how much I will need him, which I really will. I loved that he said he learned from last class about anticipating my needs because I won't be able to vocalize or even think-- so sweet! He doesn't always naturally think to do things around the house, but I know he'll be really great when I'm in labor and fully focused on me and our baby.

I leave today for a conference in Baltimore. I'll be there for a few days and then see my stepsister for the weekend. I am looking forward to it, but I will also miss out on watching election coverage with Mark.

saw a kick! & OB appt.

2008-10-30T11:42:00.000-07:00

When I was at the OB's office today waiting, I actually saw a kick under my sweater! I couldn't believe it-- she's getting so big and strong. My 25w appt went great, so just going back in 3 weeks for my glucose test.

I asked her about this horrible rib pain (which I am feeling right now-- OUCH!), and she really didn't say what I could do for it, just that it was probably caused by things getting squished in there and the baby might move and relieve it. I'm going to ask my birthing class instructor and maybe try out a chiropractor.

I read about it in Belly Laughs recently and she actually had 2 ribs pop out! The chiropractor popped them back in, but they just popped out again, so I'm not sure if there is anything to be done, except suffer! It does feel better if I lay on my left side or on the weekend when I'm not sitting for hours. Oh well, now I won't feel like such a cheater when I go on disability at 36 weeks!!

First birthing class last night

2008-10-28T06:07:00.000-07:00

Mark and I had our first birthing class last night. Our teacher is great and all the couples were super-nice. I was a little concerned that I was taking this too early, but everyone else was about the same stage, and with the holidays coming-- it is probably better to start sooner.

We met another couple who also likes rock climbing, so we talked about trading off babysitting duties at the climbing gym once we are recovered! I actually recognized the mom-to-be from my history of science class at NC State. I would love to get back into climbing at some point.

Last night we just went over general stuff and talked about the "pain cycle" Fear->Tension->Pain->Fear and what techniques we could use to break it. She provides all info, but I think she really promotes breastfeeding and only using meds in special cases.

Anyway, I think the class is going to be really nice and helpful. I kind of feel like I'm dragging Mark to it, but he's been really great and supportive.

Neighborhood Social Weekend!

2008-10-27T11:08:00.000-07:00

Mark and I haven't really gotten out much since we moved into our house in June. Mark is pretty introverted, and I have sort of taken on that quality too. We've met a few neighbors, but this weekend felt like our introduction!

Saturday was the neighborhood Halloween party, so it was a good excuse to get out and meet our neighbors. Mark played guitar for the party with three other neighbors. Everyone is soooo nice-- we really love our neighborhood and couldn't be happier with it. All the kids were dressed up in their costumes which were so adorable! The woman who organized it has 3 year old triplet daughters (not sure if she is IF), but they were dressed up as super heroes!! Batgirl, superwoman, and wonderwoman. So cute!

I also got to meet another woman who is pg with her first (also a girl!)-- she's due 12/5, but it is nice to know someone else who will have a baby so close in age and the first one too. She is also planning a very natural birth, so it was neat to get her perspective on the different services in the area. If my rib/chest/back continues to hurt, I might start seeing her chiropractor!

Sat night after the party, one of the neighbors in the band invited us over to hang out around their outdoor fireplace. So we were over there for about an hour.

And then Sunday we went for Dim Sum with our neighbors across the street. It was really good Dim Sum, and nice to finally meet them more personally!

Definitely one of our busier weekends in a long time, but nice to feel part of the community!

I'm aware...

2008-10-21T08:14:00.000-07:00

We're covered!

2008-10-21T06:47:00.000-07:00

Since Mark's company was acquired by a company with HQ in Massachusetts (a state with mandatory IF coverage), our new insurance has IF coverage-- including IVF!! So if/when the time comes for #2, we should be set! I have been secretly hoping I'll be one of these people who has no problems with #2, but I'm probably just deluding myself since I can't fathom going through all this again-- and I'm pretty happy with this one baby for now.

I have definitely had bad days, but I'm really, really loving my body right now. I think I look really good, and it is so fun to feel the baby's kicks getting stronger. Mark finally got to feel her when he got back from his trip on Saturday!

The only annoying thing has been this weird back pain near my right shoulder blade-- it is only on my right side and mainly after I eat, so I think it has something to do with gas or indigestion, but it can hurt! The baby also seems to hang out more on my right side, so it could be her pushing on something? I'll ask the doctor about it next week.

First stranger comment!!

2008-10-07T08:37:00.000-07:00

Yay!! The lady at home depot asked me when I was due! :)

This is my latest belly pic (~22 weeks)

Baby Gear!!

2008-10-06T08:14:00.000-07:00

I registered this weekend at Babies R Us online. My sweet stepsister, Sona, is hosting my shower on Dec 13, so I've got some time, but It was so fun picking out baby stuff! I'll probably also go into the store and look too. Most of the stuff I registered for was really functional-- crib sheets, diaper pail, monitor, etc, so I hope people will still want to get it for me and have fun with it. I didn't register for clothes, but I'm sure there will be plenty!

Also I came in to work this morning to a lovely surprise-- a guy at work brought in his Peg Perego carseat and 3 bases for me! I know there are some issues with a used seat, but this is only 2 years old and I know the history (no accidents, etc.), so I feel fairly confident about it. So score!

Birthplan-- I can labor!

2008-09-26T12:32:00.000-07:00

At my first OB appt, they asked if I could have a normal labor since I had septum surgery. After leaving several messages for Dr. T, I got two replies-- one said I could and the other said I'd need a C-section! So I just went in to see what he said about it.

I felt a little uncomfortable in the waiting room, and I actually tried to hide my belly with my purse. I know I'm a success story, but I just didn't want to upset anyone who was there for a failed treatment appointment or m/c.

After waiting over 2 hours (ugh- how can this happen at every appointment??!), we talked for 10 minutes. He said a complete resection surgery usually means I would need a C-section, but my surgery didn't completely remove it and I was fine to have a normal labor. Yay-- I really did not want a C, and I have even been looking into natural birth plans. It may still happen, but I'm glad I can go into this with at least the prospect of a natural birth.

Anyway, it was kind of fun to see him again. He seemed genuinely happy for me and told me I looked great, since he hardly gets to see anyone that far along. :) Many people have their issues with him (he can be pretty blunt with bad news), but I feel I can trust him more since he tells it like it is. It sucks to wait so long to talk to him, but I've never felt rushed when he finally does see me and he always answers all my questions. And I'll forever be grateful to him for this pregnancy!

Now to sign up for my baby/birthing classes!!

Halfway!

2008-09-24T07:25:00.000-07:00

20 weeks! I'm halfway through my pregnancy. I can't believe it! I'm halfway to meeting my little girl and changing my life forever! :) I felt her from the outside yesterday, but it still isn't consistent enough for Mark to feel her. Maybe another week or 2?

Mark's parents are here this week, so we've also been thinking more about the nursery. We decided on a theme-- Parisian Poodles! His mom is making us an adorable crib quilt, so we chose some fabrics over the weekend. She's very talented, so I can't wait to see how it turns out. We're going with pink, chocolate, cream, and light green for colors.

I also scored a good deal on a crib off Craig's List and ordered an adorable Eiffel tower lamp from Target.com. I think I'm going to dress up the shade with pom poms. We're still in the early stages, but I can see how it will come together.

1st baby purchase!

2008-09-15T08:19:00.000-07:00

I bought a boppy for $10 at the consignment shop near us. I just went in to scope the store out, and I'll definitely be back. They had a bunch of great stuff and clothes, including little snowsuits and Halloween costumes.

I've also been feeling the baby more. She was very active on Friday night, and I've continued to feel occasional thumps and bumps every now and then. I can't wait until I feel her all the time!

It's official...

2008-09-11T10:46:00.000-07:00

We're having a girl! We had our big ultrasound today. Everything looked great and the baby looks totally healthy, and we saw the tell tale "3 lines" very distinctly.

I wasn't too surprised, since we kind of had a hint at the NT-- but now it is official and I can start to wrap my mind around the idea that we'll have a daughter!

I honestly did not really care either way. I can see benefits to both, and if I have learned anything from infertility-- you don't get to choose these kinds of things!

Oh and here is a belly pic taken on Monday. Do I look pregnant to you?

Tagged!!

2008-09-09T07:13:00.000-07:00

I've been tagged by Andrea In Indiana! I've known her since T-TTC days and we're due within a few days of each other!

http://andreainindiana.blogspot.com

The Rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you
2. Post the rules to your blog
3. Write 6 random things about yourself
4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them
5. Let each person you have tagged know by leaving a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is posted.

6 Random things:
*I am wearing a green shirt
*I ate Go Lean Crunch w/ Yogurt for breakfast
*It took me 20 minutes to get to work this morning
*I have 3 sisters (1 bio, 2 step)
*I don't like cats (allergic)
*I think about climate change and the environment, much more than a year ago

Random enough for you?! :)

Prenatal Yoga & Paternity Leave

2008-09-09T06:51:00.000-07:00

I went to my first prenatal yoga class last night. I've been doing home practice, but this was the first time I went to the studio. I really liked it and I'm glad I started when I still feel comfortable doing the unmodified poses. So later on I'll know when something is too much for me. There was one woman who was about a week ahead of me, and two others who were probably around 30w.

IVF came up a lot for some reason?! I didn't say anything, but now I kind of wish I had. No one was being judgmental-- they were just telling stories about what a miracle it was. I just didn't feel quite comfortable when I'd only met these women for 5 minutes.

Also, Mark's company was acquired yesterday. So far it looks like a good thing-- they are keeping the office in tact and the only thing that seems to be changing is the company name and much improved benefits. They now offer family health insurance, so we'll probably put the baby on his plan and maybe me after a bit. We have open enrollment now, but I'm a little nervous about changing health insurance during my pregnancy. But now that I'm thinking about it, it could save us a lot of money.

Additionally, Mark will now get 2 weeks of PAID paternity leave!! Yay!! I know he really wanted to spend some time at home with the baby, so this will be really nice for the whole family. I think he would also qualify for FMLA, but he probably won't take it since it is unpaid.

New Bra = HEAVEN

2008-09-07T18:19:00.000-07:00

If you don't want to know about my bb's stop reading now...! :) Oh wow-- I got a new softcup bra at Target this weekend, and my ta tas are thanking me. Ahhhhh....sweet relief. No wires digging in or boobie muffin top. I so wish I had done this a month ago.

I think I was in denial that I could possibly have anything more than an A-cup. I've just always been pretty flat-chested, and now va va voom! And I don't think they're done growing yet??!!

Was that a kick??!!

2008-09-05T14:24:00.001-07:00

I think I've been feeling very, very light movement. Wow-- it is still kinda hard to know for sure, but it feels kinda like rolling with maybe a slight kick here and there? I felt it last night, and some today. This is so amazing!!

I'm happy, but I'm also freaking out a bit. I am really going to have a baby?!

I'm 31 today!!

2008-09-03T09:16:00.000-07:00

Wow-- a lot has changed in a year. I had really hoped it would. I remember turning 30 last year and feeling like it really sucked. We were about to make some big changes with moving from CA, but I had felt so stagnant for so long. I hated my job, was infertile and not pregnant after almost 2 years, and we weren't homeowners (which I had been wanting even longer than a baby!).

I'm just happy to have made such fun changes over the past year. We took our big trip/vacation, have a beautiful home, a baby on the way, and though I still hate my job-- things are looking up.

I wore a very obvious shirt today and told people here. One guy said he had guessed already! I guess I'm not as discreet as I thought! It has been fun getting to share the news all over again. I even got an offer for some free baby stuff-- I'll take it! Yay! Happy Birthday to me!!

We had a great visit with Mark's brother and family in CA. We went to our favorite restaurants as well as the pool, the park, and the jungle (indoor playground)! Their lives are very baby/kid-focused, which is fun now, but would have been torture about a year ago. I don't know what it is about IF, but it just makes you feel like you will never have that happiness and being around babies is somehow painful?

Tonight we're going out to dinner at our favorite Mexican place. Yummy!! No margaritas for me, but I won't feel the least bit guilty about getting the amazing Queso-dip! :)

Maternity Leave

2008-08-29T12:47:00.001-07:00

I talked to HR yesterday about maternity benefits. I get 12 weeks off total (for Family Medical Leave Act = FMLA) and 6 weeks of that is paid at 66%. The 66% isn't taxed or 401K or anything, so it usually works out to about the same as a full pay check. Mark probably only gets vacation since his company is too small for FMLA. This is sort of what I had expected-- thank goodness I signed up for long-term disability when I was rehired!!

If we had stayed in CA, I would have got 18 weeks off total, with 12 weeks at 66%. And Mark would have had 2 weeks full pay and probably 4 weeks unpaid for FMLA. But we probably would have paid about $10k more for IVF, so I guess it works out...

The last we talked Mark thought I should go back to work at 6 weeks. I really don't like the idea of putting a 6 week old baby in daycare, and I'm not sure how I'll feel after that. I would really like to take the full 12 and then work part-time for another 6-12.

I talked to my Brother-in-law and his wife who just had their second. They said they would be concerned about the colds/flu/sickness that goes around daycares with a baby that small. So we'll talk to them more this weekend when Mark is here too. I think Mark would like to stay home, so maybe that's an option too?

Now that I'm in my second tri, I'm still surprised at how un-pregnant I feel. I'm not showing much, don't feel the baby, haven't done much of anything to prepare for the baby. Feb seems like a long way off, but I'm sure once the holidays are upon us, it will come very quickly!!

Told work

2008-08-26T16:47:00.000-07:00

I'm in CA this week for work (and also visiting my nephews). This is the first time I've seen my manager in person since I found out I'm pregnant. I was a little nervous to tell him, but he was very nice about it. He gave me a big congratulations and thought the timing for my leave would be fine with the current project. We didn't get into too much about how long I would take or anything like that-- still need to talk to HR about that.

Anyway, after that I was free to tell everyone else, so I've been spilling the beans around the office. It has been really fun! Everyone is so happy for me and I think they can tell I'm BEAMING! :) And it is feeling even more real.

Also, I feel like I'm just starting to show now, especially with certain tops. I've also been wearing my super-comfy maternity jeans, although I still use the bella band to help keep them in place.

Fun Birthday Facts (2/11/09)

2008-08-21T09:13:00.000-07:00

I found this website: www.babiesonline/funfacts
* Your baby's birthstone will be Amethyst (Sincerity)
* Your baby's Astrological Sign will be Aquarius
* Your baby's Flower is Violet or Primrose (Violet, Sky Blue or Yellow)
* Your baby will be born in the Chinese Year of The Ox
* This time next year your baby will be 28 Weeks Old!
* Your baby will start kindergarten in 2014, be old enough to drive a car in 2025, finish high school in 2027, and will graduate from college with the class of 2031, give or take a year.

2027??!! I guess we have enough time to save for college... I'm sure it will go by fast!

Dads

2008-08-18T07:31:00.000-07:00

I don't have a relationship with my father. For awhile we would get together at the holidays, but the past few times it just felt forced and fake. His wife is nice and tries a lot, but I just don't feel like my dad ever made much of an effort to be part of my life. There are a variety of reasons, not all his fault, but I just don't feel a bond with him at all.

I was really dragging on telling him about the baby, but I finally sent an email. And we'll probably introduce him to the baby in the spring. I think I'm more comfortable with this new relationship though. I don't feel any pressure to visit or see him, and anything we want to share is appreciated.

I'm just so happy that my baby is going to have such a wonderful father. Mark has been all about children and babies since I've met him, and I know this baby will be so loved by him. He has his faults, as we all do, but there is no bounds to his deep love and the joy I know he feels at becoming a dad.

I'm so happy to be able to give this to him. I know we would have been happy with other ways of growing our family, but I think about how this baby will be like me and like him. I'm a lot like my mom because she was my main influence, but I can't even imagine what it will be like with Mark and I raising our child together?!

Other news: Got the official 1st tri screening results-- Everything was 100% normal and 1/11,000 for Downs and 1/22,000 for Trisomy-18. Yay-- very low risk and baby is healthy!

Hi Baby Girl?!

2008-08-11T07:22:00.000-07:00

We had our NT scan today to check for genetic abnormalities. The ultrasound was really, really clear, much more clear than any of the others we have had. It was also my first external ultrasound, so the baby is finally big enough to be seen from the outside!

The measurements were all perfect and well-within range of normal. Yay! We are thrilled about that.

The tech was measuring the baby's legs and we got a crotch shot and Mark asked-- is it a boy? She said, "Well, if you don't get your heart set and promise not to buy anything, I think its a girl." We were in shock!! We really thought it was going to be a boy, but we are so excited. It isn't 100%, but this scan is pretty late to where I think she has a decent guess! We'll find out for sure sometime in the next month or so.

Anyway, both of us just can't stop smiling!! :)

Oh, and I'm in my 2nd trimester now. Another great milestone!

baby belly where are you?

2008-08-10T16:48:00.000-07:00

I have definitely outgrown my regular pants and skirts, but I still don't really look pregnant. Well, to anyone who doesn't know I'm pregnant.

I have bought like 1 pair of maternity jeans since they were recommended and on sale, but I haven't worn them yet. And in some ways I am saving most maternity purchases for fall so I don't need 2 seasons of clothes. My bella band has been getting me by for now.

But I went shopping to look for a skirt to wear now and later and the salesperson was like "Oh, you know this is the maternity section." Yes, I know-- this little pudge on my belly is baby... eventually. Didn't matter-- it was too big anyway!

Then I went to Motherhood Maternity store. I tried on a skirt (way too big!) and then had fun with their little belted pillow which is supposed to add 3 months. I can't believe I'm going to look like that in 3 months, but I'm sure I will!

For now, I'm just on belly watch. People tell me ~17-20 weeks with the first baby, so another month at least!

2nd OB appt-- GRRR!!!

2008-08-08T08:00:00.000-07:00

I went in yesterday for my second OB. They told me I would have an ultrasound. I had my mom come with me this time, and even took the day off of work. Well, I'm now over 13 weeks (YAY! Baby is the size of a peach!), and I know I am coming to the end of the window for my NT scan ultrasound. The NT scan is one way they check the baby for genetic defects-- and there is only a narrow window when it can be done.

Anyway I called on Wednesday to make sure the u/s was going to include the NT. The nurse tells me no-- it is just my regular OB u/s to date the pregnancy. (Mind you-- I've already had 2 of these at my fertility clinic). Anyway, she says it is fine to do testing up to 16 w. Okay. whatever. Some people don't even get this test.

So I get in yesterday and they ask-- Aren't you going to do first tri screening??? I told them what happened yesterday, and she said OH-- if you had come this morning we could have done it, but now the tech is no longer here. Fortunately, they called around and found a place to squeeze me in on Monday. So no ultrasound at all yesterday, since I'm getting one on Monday.

I'm not mad, just a little irritated that I KNEW this would happen and wasn't listened to and that my mom spent her precious energy coming with me and didn't get to see the baby. I guess I'll just have to push more in the future. And I think I'm done with all the initial starting stuff now, so I'm just doing my 1 per month appointments. My next is 9/4-- 1 day after I turn 31!

1st OB Appt.

2008-07-31T11:44:00.000-07:00

I had my first appt. at the OB's office. I'm so happy to say they were ON TIME, and I didn't feel like I was a number or being rushed through at all. I was a little worried about that, since it does seem to be a big practice.

Today it was just talking to the nurse and getting labwork. I go back in 1 week for an ultrasound and pap. They also weighed me-- I've gained ~7 lbs, which isn't great for the first tri, but not awful either. And I don't know exactly how much I weighed before IVF anyway...

They also said my due date is 2/11/09 (instead of 2/10), but I'm not going to bother to change my ticker or anything. It isn't like babies are born on their due date anyway!

I got a huge bag of stuff-- booklets, birth class info, free formula coupons, etc. And now Mark and I need to think about a few things... circumcision if it is a boy and whether to have a natural birth plan. It still feels like we have awhile to decide. I wouldn't let myself think about anything baby while we were trying, so it feels really strange to be getting into this.

card from my niece

2008-07-29T07:26:00.000-07:00

I got this card a few weeks ago-- so cute! It is a mommy flamingo with a baby flamingo hatching from an egg and a daddy flamingo watching from the side. :)

My niece is 8 and lives in Atlanta. It has been awhile since there has been a baby in our family, and she and my nephew are really excited! They were asking their mom about a baby just before our BFP! It has been fun to share the news and feel confident the farther things go along.

12 weeks today! The baby is about the size of a lime, just over 2 inches! My first OB appt is on Thursday. I also added the 11 wk u/s photo a few posts down.

Baby Heart Monitor!

2008-07-25T12:29:00.001-07:00

After some issues with an Amazon seller, my doppler arrived yesterday! (don't buy from Medinet) I tried it out right away, but I couldn't find the baby's heartbeat. I haven't had the heartbeat measured at the doctor's office, so I didn't know where to look. After some googling and waving the wand slowly all over the place, we finally found it after about 30 min.

Oh wow! It was the most beautiful and amazing sound! I can't believe I have a little baby with a beating heart growing inside me right now. It feels more real everyday, but it still seems just too good to be true?! Maybe I'll feel differently as I start to tell more people or show more?

office stuff

2008-07-23T11:27:00.000-07:00

I just talked to my friend/mentor who was laid off last week after 21 years! He's doing well though, and in good spirits-- he was ready for a change and with his awesome severance, he can go 6 months or more! He's going to look for work and start up his consulting business at the same time.

I also told him about the baby. He was really happy for us and thought telling next month when I'm there was a good strategy. So that's the plan (thanks girls!). He also thought I was safe for at least 6 months, which would be fine for us. I'd be really close to my due date, and severance + unemployment is probably better than my maternity leave!

When I was talking to him a few people were coming in/out of the building to smoke, so I'm pretty sure they overheard me! Oh well, no one here is really connected to anyone back there. And it is only another month...

11 weeks, last RE appt.

2008-07-22T06:31:00.000-07:00

I'm 11 weeks today! The baby is the size of a fig. I'm so happy and starting to think this is really, really going to happen.

We had our last appointment with Dr T yesterday before I move upstairs to the OB/GYN. After waiting for over 2 hours, he finally came in and did the ultrasound. (Not going to miss the long waits at all!) The baby showed up right away and measured right on track at 11 weeks.

It was so amazing. It was moving all over the place and flailing its little legs and arms. It even waved its hand at us and turned its back. Mark said it was trying to tell the u/s to go away! So adorable. I can't believed that this little baby is moving around like that inside me all the time and I have no idea.

I said goodbye to some of the staff-- they were so wonderful to me. I'm glad the OB's office is just upstairs, so I can stop by and give them an update. Dr. T said he even fills in for them upstairs sometimes, so he might see me too-- "I put them in and take them out!"

My first OB appt is July 31!

layoffs

2008-07-18T12:32:00.000-07:00

My company had layoffs yesterday. I wasn't affected, and since I work remotely, I didn't find out until today. A good friend/mentor of mine was let go! He'd been with the company a long time. I'm really surprised that they didn't fire me too. I know they value me, but it seems pretty easy to cut someone remote.

Anyway, I'm trying to decide if telling will help or hurt? Like maybe they'd be less likely to lay off a pg lady because of descrimination, or maybe since it is happening anyway, I'd be at more risk. I was thinking I'd tell them after the u/s on Monday, but now I'm not sure. Maybe I should wait until I go out there at the end of August? I hate my job, but I was really hoping to keep it until I delivered!

I also found out that I will probably get 6 weeks of maternity leave at 66% of my pay! I signed up for disability insurance when I first started, mainly because my mom is disabled. I didn't even think about it covering pregnancy, but I called today and they said it would. I'm not 100% counting on it because she couldn't give me the full details, but I imagine this is something I'll find out when I announce.

Double Digits!! 10 weeks!!

2008-07-15T12:08:00.000-07:00

Yay! 10 weeks today. The baby is the size of a sugar date (or kumquat or prune). The baby is officially a fetus and not an embryo anymore! Wow, so hard to believe I only have a few weeks left in the first trimester. I'll be glad when it is over, but it just makes me think how fast this is moving! I'm 25% done with my pregnancy! But then I think back to when I had my egg retrieval, and that seems like a LONG time ago.

I continue to feel pretty good. I've only had a little bit of nausea here and there. I've also been eating Ginger Chews, which are gross, but seem to help. And I'm definitely starting to grow, just a bit. Mark can tell I'm pregnant, but no one else would dare comment since I could just be getting fat!

I still feel a little uncomfortable telling neighbors, acquaintances, etc. but I think that will change after the next ultrasound. And Mark feels with IVF we got the best, strongest embies-- so our chances are pretty darn good.

shopping!

2008-07-14T08:51:00.000-07:00

I finally bought some pregnancy related things. I was a little reluctant and scared because it is still early, and something makes me think I'm jinxing myself or getting too far ahead, but I am starting to get more comfortable-- especially since I'm almost in double digits!!

I just bought a fetal heart rate doppler. It should be here next week, so hopefully the baby will be big enough that we can pick it up by then. It says you should be able to hear starting 9-12 weeks. I hope it doesn't make me crazy if I can't find it, though...!

I also got some prenatal yoga workouts. I haven't practiced any yoga since March, and I really miss it. I was feeling too sick to do much exercise the past couple weeks, but I'm feeling a little better and I'm looking forward to getting started again.

9 weeks! & new nephew

2008-07-08T13:27:00.000-07:00

Hard to believe I'm 9 weeks!! The baby is the size of a grape.

Today I'm feeling good, really good actually, and I'm just trying to go with it. I feel like last week's ultrasound gave me a little boost of confidence.

I only have 1 more ultrasound with Dr. T, and then I need to find an OB. I was planning to just go to the one upstairs from his office, but they are a super-busy baby mill. Yesterday I got lost in their phone menu maze, and finally got to a place to leave a message, and no one has called me back. That doesn't give me much confidence that they will be available for me. But I know they have talented doctors over there, and they deliver at the hospital I would probably want to be. I'll have to think about it...

In other news, I'm an aunt (again!). Mark's brother and his wife had their second son, Arthur Samuel born July 4th! So adorable. We're going out around Labor Day to visit. It was kind of tough for me to be around tiny babies for awhile, so I'm happy I can visit without any of those feelings.

1st ultrasound

2008-07-03T06:24:00.000-07:00

Everything went really well! We're measuring right on track-- 8 weeks. We saw the little heartbeat flickering (so cool!), and we even saw the baby wiggle a little, really cute. I'm still in disbelief that this baby we saw on the screen is actually *inside me*!! (BTW-- the little ball in the ultrasound is the yolk sac, which supports the baby until the placenta takes over)

I'm so relieved to know everything is okay. We go back July 21, and then it is on to the OB!

8 weeks

2008-07-01T11:36:00.000-07:00

I'm 8 weeks today! It has been over a month since we found out I'm pregnant. It still doesn't feel real. Although the nausea keeps reminding me! Ugh-- I have felt pretty bad today and yesterday. I was fine all weekend, but now I just want to crawl in bed. But when I'm not sick, I worry that something is wrong-- so I don't even get to enjoy it!

Good weekend

2008-06-30T08:20:00.000-07:00

I finally got in touch with two of my NC State friends that I haven't seen since I've been back. It was so fun-- we went to cheesecake factory and then shopped a little and then got pedicures! Great day.

During lunch, we talked about having kids. Both of them are still a little unsure about being moms. I can relate-- I felt the same way for about a year before Mark and I started trying. But despite our issues, I wouldn't have wanted to start any earlier. I really needed that time to just enjoy ourselves as a couple. I would have either introduced a baby or the pain of infertility into my marriage much earlier than I would have wanted to.

And of course Mark is actually happy that things were delayed since we got to take our 3 month trip around the world! I probably would have rather had a baby, but I'm glad we did that!

My bella band came on Saturday. This is a little tube of fabric that allows you to wear pre-pregnancy pants unbuttoned. It covers the fly and holds things up. Most clothes are still fine, but there is one pair of capris that I wear to garden that don't zip! I was really impressed at how well this thing works! You can't tell my pants were undone and it stayed put even walking through the neighborhood. love it!

My ultrasound is coming up on Wed. I'm trying to be positive, but I am also a little scared that the baby will be behind or no heartbeat. But there's nothing that would indicate that. Just have to be patient and hope for the best!

7 weeks!

2008-06-24T07:24:00.000-07:00

I'm 7 weeks today!! My baby is the size of a blueberry! We've graduated to the fruit stage. Mark is very proud. :)

So far I've just had the light nausea on and off. I also feel like I'm gaining some weight-- I'm just eating more regularly to stave off the nausea. And I feel a lot worse than normal if I don't eat. My clothes are all still fitting fine, but some things are getting a little tight.

I keep hoping that things are still going okay in there. I have to trust that they are, but I still worry that I could have a missed miscarriage and my baby is gone but my body doesn't know it. Paranoia, I'm sure. Just a little over a week until my next ultrasound... I can see why so many moms-to-be get dopplers!

Appreciating this

2008-06-23T12:38:00.000-07:00

After we'd been trying a little over a year my mom told me "Well, you'll appreciate your baby more since it took awhile" I was so mad. "You are full of crap! I would appreciate my child no matter what." And I'm sure that is true, I'll love my baby just as much.

But I do feel differently about this baby and this pregnancy than if it had happened on the first cycle. I really took my fertility for granted before. It was a given, it would happen. And once I accepted that no it may never happen, I now see this baby as a gift. I think about all the tears I cried and what I put my body through between surgeries and IVF, and by some miracle, it happened.

I can't say I would have done it exactly the same. I would really rather not know the pain of infertility, but since I do-- I have so much admiration and respect for the women who go through such lengths to have something most of people achieve with little effort.

Dedicated to:
LanY at Adventures In-fertility
wannabemom at Letters to Unborn baby
Shiner at her new blog whenever it begins!! :)
Lisa at Helping Make Sense
and all my T-TTC friends (past and present)

Afternoon sickness? (& poll)

2008-06-19T12:48:00.000-07:00

I have noticed after lunch I feel slightly ill. It lasts on and off into the evening. It is really mild and gives me some indication that I am indeed pregnant! Yay for nausea!! :) I don't want to be sick, but the lack of symptoms messes with my head!

Also, I have a new poll on the right sidebar. I'm dying to get to my ultrasound about 2 weeks from now!! I'm mainly concerned that everything is growing healthy (esp. since we've told so many people...) and m/c is still a risk. I'll feel much better once we see the heartbeat. But I'm also a little curious if they both stuck?

Survivor's Guilt

2008-06-18T07:14:00.001-07:00

Now that I'm pregnant, I sort of feel guilty that so many of my online friends are still struggling with infertility. Maybe guilt is the wrong word, but as much as I want to be supportive to them, in some ways, I don't feel I have the right anymore?

I keep telling myself when I was going through it, I was generally happy to see a fellow woman finally achieve success, so I should keep offering support. But I don't want to come across as "If it can happen to me, it can happen to you!" because that is just not true and not helpful.

The truth is when you are struggling with infertility, you don't know if you will ever experience pregnancy or parenthood and that is where the pain and fear come from. You want to be a mom so badly, and you don't know how things will end and when you will be able to wake up from this nightmare.

But I have been there, and I do have a story to tell. And I feel a connection to infertile women no matter where they are in their struggle. Infertility is a part of my life and has changed me.

6 Weeks today!

2008-06-17T07:38:00.000-07:00

I'm 6 weeks today! My baby is the size of a lentil! :) Dahl anyone?

So far I feel nothing! I guess that is a good thing, but it also kind of concerns me that maybe there is something wrong? I think I felt more excited when I was going to dr. appts and getting reassurance. Now I just wonder if I'm really pregnant since I don't feel anything?!

I guess I should be happy I'm not sick or tired, but I feel scared to think of this as a sure thing. I keep telling myself if I was losing the baby, I'd feel painful cramps and heavy bleeding. So I just have to trust everything is fine.

3rd Beta is in!!

2008-06-11T13:05:00.000-07:00

My beta level was 2760!! So it almost tripled again!! :) My progesterone was at 83, which was up from 67.7. After my first beta, I thought she said it was 776, which is really high. I must have misheard her-- I was probably too excited! These progesterone levels are still about 2x as high as an average woman in her 1st tri, but I'm not as sure about twins anymore. My progesterone supplements could be driving it up. Either way, we are just happy to be here.

Now I get to schedule my first ultrasound! It is still with Dr. T's office, so I haven't "graduated" quite yet, which I'm fine with. Despite only being there a short time, I feel really bonded with the staff. They're all so nice and supportive. It makes a huge difference.

The ultrasound will be 1 month after the first (+) blood test! That seems SO long from now! I'll be almost 9 weeks, but by then they should be able to see the baby and heartbeat. Mark will get to come with me too. It will be strange because the last time we saw our babies, they were two little balls of cells! It's really a miracle.

Manbabies LOL!!

2008-06-11T10:56:00.000-07:00

Okay-- nothing to do with IVF, but I discovered this site and find it hilariously creepy.

manbabies.com

Just trying to pass the time until they call with the third beta...

Second Beta is in!!

2008-06-09T12:00:00.001-07:00

I'm at 906, which is almost triple what it was on Saturday!! This is excellent news. They like to see the number double in 24-48 hours. I'll have another beta on Wednesday. After that they monitor the progress with ultrasounds.

I'm hoping I'll get an ultrasound at 6 weeks, since a lot of infertility patients do, but from what the nurse has said they might just pass me off to an OB for an 8 week checkup. That will be about 3 weeks from now! How will I get by..??!! :)