Birthing Class #5

We had our 5th (of 6) birthing classes last night. We were supposed to think of our ideal, real, and nightmare birth experiences (A, B, C). For me, A= natural birth with no episiotomy, B= vaginal birth with some interventions (meds, epis, vacuum), C=labor not progressing, baby in distress, emergency C-section. But she told a story about a person in her class who wrote A=healthy mom, healthy baby, B=healthy mom, baby dies, C=mom dies, baby dies.

Of course this puts everything in perspective, and I know the only thing that matters is my baby arriving healthy and well. It is strange, I never think about birth as being a life-threatening experience for me? Maybe I would if I had more complications, but I worry far more about the baby than I do my own life.

We also had more social time last night, so Mark was telling everyone we had pictures of our baby 5-days past conception since we did IVF. We hadn't really shared that before, but it was surprising how non-controversial it was and how distant I felt from all the feelings of infertility as we told about it. I guess being in that class makes me feel more like a normal pg woman than someone who is broken and damaged, as I used to feel.

I'm not sure if it is because I got PG so quickly after starting treatment, or if there was such a clean break when we moved from CA, or if I just don't want to have that pain anymore. I will never forget how I felt, but I am healing, and I just feel lucky to see my body changing and know that I am really on my way to being a mom.