I give up!

Okay, I have no idea when this kid is coming?! Sometimes I feel like it is really close, but then I start feeling good and don't think she'll be here for awhile.

In all reality, I'm not *that* uncomfortable. I feel big and it is hard to bend over and turn over in bed and the Bell's Palsy sucks, but I'm not in pain or swelling.

But I was really down last week, wondering when she would come-- I think they got me all excited. I was the same 3cm+ on Friday and this midwife didn't seem too concerned-- although she said something about who would be on call over the weekend?! whatever!

I was also feeling a little anxious because my sister is coming this weekend and Mark's parents will be here next week, and there may not be a baby. Plus, I don't want to go into labor when we have people here-- I think it will stress me out to have anyone around, except Mark. I don't want my mom or anyone at the hospital until after she is here.

But more than that, I don't want to be induced. I hope it won't come to that-- I don't think there is much risk of the baby getting too big, since I'm measuring ~38w, and I don't think they really start looking at it until after 41w. I shouldn't think about it now.

Getting closer?

Well, last night was miserable, so maybe I'm actually getting closer?

We went to sushi, and got some extra spicy rolls. I felt awful just before bed-- kind of like bad indigestion, but nothing really helped. Then the Bell's Palsy started this pain behind my ear that would NOT go away. I was able to sleep with a heating pad on my head behind my ear. Plus, she was rolling and moving around like crazy last night. I hope she wasn't bothered by the spicy food. Poor baby! I also lost my 'mucus plug' this morning. I'll spare the details, but it is also a good sign labor is coming.

This morning I woke up and still felt pretty bad, but amazingly I went to acupuncture and now feel soooo much better! It was strange because he put in a few needles and asked "does your tummy feel better?" and I realized "YES! It does!" Wow-- amazing! He mainly worked on labor stuff today because I'm improving on my face, but the biggest work will probably come after she is here.

So no baby yet, but maybe soon?!

Productive Day

I'm feeling better today. I had acupuncture this morning, so I'm not sure if it was that or just getting out of the house?

I tackled a couple things that I really needed to get done that would be a lot harder after she is here-- getting on Mark's dental plan, since I'd have to do COBRA for mine. Thank goodness I'm already on his medical!

And I also did more to fight back on my disability. I don't even know if I'll get the money, but I want them to deny me because of employment, NOT because of some idiot who didn't even call my doctor. I got my medical forms and a doctor's note saying my last day of work was Jan 15, so hopefully that is enough!

I've also been trying to get in touch with HR about my severance. They only want to give me 4 weeks, even though I have worked there for 6 years, meaning I should get 6 weeks. I took a leave while we moved, but I was always employed by them. I think it is still going to be a fight, and I'm not hopeful. But they need to answer my questions. And as much as I dread doing this, I know it won't be easier after the baby is here!

So overall, probably good she hasn't come yet! Now we're hoping for Thursday because that is my mother-in-law and Mark's birthdays! It will be 3 generations born on Feb 5th! And then I don't need to get Mark a present, right?! :) And then most of you who took my poll might be right-- 39th week!

still waiting...

I felt like she might be coming this weekend, but we're still waiting! I would be surprised if it takes another week, but we'll see...

I have felt pretty down the past couple of days. I think it is just being at home and the Bell's Palsy and just waiting. I just don't feel perky or excited about anything. Usually if I feel this way, getting out of the house or being active helps, but in this case, I just feel exhausted. I think it is more of a hormonal thing. I hope when the baby comes, I'll be full of all those "love" hormones, that I'll be able to shake this. Mark is a very calming influence, which is nice. He has been making me walk a ton to try to bring on the labor-- he's ready to meet his baby!

I got a stupid letter from disability saying my doctor never called them back, so they closed my case. Last week they left me a message and I called them back with the right extension since they had just been calling the nurse's line, but apparently they closed it anyway. Annoying! So now I have to chase down the medical records in order for them to reopen my case. As if I needed something else to do, but I AM doing it. I think this is part of their game to deny people what they are owed.

I also haven't called about my severance. Or I just did tonight, but had to leave a message. I have been feeling so unmotivated to fight with them. And I really wanted to come at them from a place of strength, which I really haven't been feeling. But I think I can do it now-- I feel up for a fight.

I am uncomfortable, but I'm still sleeping well, so I can be happy about that. Right now I'm feeling the baby simultaneously kick and punch me as she tries to spread out (no more room lady!). And now it is causing a contraction. She's got to be coming soon, right?!

Progress! @ 38w 2d

I went in for my regular OB appt yesterday (after already going 2x earlier that week for the Bell's Palsy). They were really late and making me late for acupuncture and I was getting upset.

As soon as she walked in, she asked if I'd been having contractions. Sure-- all the time, and I've had pretty bad cramps the past several mornings. So she decided to give me an internal. I am 3 cm dilated and 60% effaced!! OMG-- I thought I had some dilation, but I wasn't expecting to be so far along! After that, I didn't really think too much about the BP-- I'm just excited to meet my daughter!

After the exam, they hooked me up to the monitor. I was having little contractions at about 6 min apart. They thought I would go into labor sometime this weekend! So, I think these tired, emotional feelings are mostly because of the labor. I was never hormonal or emotional during my pregnancy-- if anything, it really evened me out, and I just felt calm (a big change from the roller coaster infertility cycles!).

So, now we wait... We walked last night and I felt a lot of Braxton Hicks, but only 1 or 2 *real* contractions. Maybe tonight?

I also went to acupuncture yesterday for the BP. He used several points on me, but didn't want to go too strong since I'm so close to delivery. I have another appointment on Sunday, so we'll see if I make it!

Getting worse every day

The Bell's Palsy just keeps getting worse every day. I wonder if I'll wake up tomorrow with complete paralysis. I might have opted for the steroids if I'd known it was going to keep progressing. And now I think it is too late-- I should have had them very early on. I can barely move the left side of my face at this point. I have been taping my eye closed to go to bed at night, and I can't talk properly, and water spills out of my mouth.

In better news, my acupuncturist is going to get me in right away! So nice of him-- I had thought about it, but I really couldn't justify the cost. And it seems like everything that I've read just says it goes away on its own.

I feel like I should just be happy I'm having a healthy baby, but I can't even move my face to cry right now. It is starting to take a psychological toll because I don't think I'll be able to smile at my baby, which makes me really sad.

Bad Day :(

So I woke up yesterday and felt these little twitches on the left side of my face. Kinda weird, but I really didn't think much of it. I just figured the baby was pushing on a nerve or something funny. This morning I woke up and the left side of my tongue was a little numb. I googled around and figured out I have Bell's Palsy. I went to the OB today, and they confirmed it.

Fortunately, everything with the baby is just fine and this shouldn't affect her at all. I have a really mild case, since some people have paralysis on half their face. Mine is mostly twitching and my left eye is really dry. The doctor said it would likely clear up on its own. I just started getting scared because I don't know if this is the peak or I could wake up tomorrow with no expression on the left half of my face!

I keep telling myself this is all temporary and if this is the worst thing that happens to me during pregnancy, I'm doing pretty darn good. But I am also getting much more emotional and sensitive as the days get closer. I'm so glad I'm not working right now, but that leads me to my other bad news.

I have worked at my company for 6 years, meaning I should get 6 weeks of severance. However, I left my job in CA and became a casual employee for about 3 months until they asked me to come back full time. I never planned to come back, but I was specifically told not to quit until I got another job, so I could maintain my "years of service" if I ever did come back.

Well, you probably see where this is going-- they keep telling me I'm a "rehire" and I only get 4 weeks. I have denied my severance until I get some answers on this. But I just feel too emotional to call right now. And I feel this ticking clock that my baby could come any day now and I would really like to get this all resolved before then.

I'm just feeling overwhelmed by all of this, and certainly don't feel like the fighter I need to be. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow, and I can deal with it then.