Tummy time

Petra is consistently rolling from her back to tummy, but she's just on the verge of going the other way. She's now unswaddled in her crib for all naps and nighttime!

Nights are going well-- she's only up about once a night, and last night STTN!! 7:30-5:00! She probably would have even slept longer, but when I went to check on her at 5, she was on her tummy. Same thing happened yesterday. I flipped her over, and of course she woke up.

I have been reading and it is okay for them to choose their own sleep position once they are strong enough to roll, but it still concerns me, since SIDS peaks ~3-4 months.

First dunk

Mark took Miss P to the pool on Friday. He blew in her face to get her to hold her breath, and then DUNK! I took the video, but I am not used to doing it and didn't get her reaction. Wups-- cute anyway

Outgrowing the fussies!

I feel like Petra is outgrowing her fussiness!! She's been kind of a difficult baby since around 2w. She would cry a lot, and I couldn't really put her down for more than a few minutes. Or even hold her on my lap-- you had to be holding her while standing up! I know you can't spoil a newborn, but there were definitely times when I thought maybe I'm causing this. People would want to see her or have me bring her by, but it wasn't much fun for any of us when she'd just cry the whole time!

But I really feel like we've turned a corner. She is still fussy, but it seems like her happy times are longer. We actually went to Target today with NO meltdowns in the car seat and only a short bout of crying at the store. That is MAJOR!! I used to really not even want to leave the house with her because of the crying.

I think it is mainly because her vision has improved and now she can see stuff. She also is more interested in toys and playing, so I can sort of distract her.

Funny if she'd been in daycare, I probably would have credited them! She has about a month before she starts, so I'll at least get to enjoy her more now that we're home together!

I have a phone interview tomorrow with a job I'm really interested in, so I hope it goes well!! I am feeling like it is time to go back, though I really wish part time were more of an option.

Oh and sleep update: Unswaddled in her crib and last night she was pretty much NORMAL! She slept until about 3:30 and then was up at 6! I just hope it repeats!!

In the bumbo with coleus-- both from Mark's grandma.

Sleep Update

Well, she was up a lot more than usual last night, but it was pretty easy to get her back down, so I can't complain. And she has her usual nap schedule this morning, although it was hard to get her to sleep! Plus, she ended up sleeping on her side, not sure if I like that, but her nose/mouth were totally clear to breathe. I'm sticking with it through the weekend, though!

Project Sleep in Crib: COLD TURKEY

No more swaddle and no more swing! Now that Miss P can roll, it really isn't safe to swaddle her. And I wasn't strapping her into her swing, so that probably isn't so safe either.

She hasn't been sleeping that well since we got back from Indy, so I figured might as well just do it, since I'm not getting her to nap in long stretches or STTN anyway. I just tried it this afternoon with her nap, and OMG!!-- She's been sleeping for over an hour! It took awhile to get her down, but she's sleeping well. I'm going to keep at it over the weekend, since Mark will be home to relieve me, and hopefully she'll be done by next week!

That's how I roll!

Petra decided she would roll from back to tummy first, instead of the other way around. She was getting tired, so you might want to watch on mute! ;)



We visited Mark's family and friends in Indy over Memorial Day. Petra was her usual fussy self at times, but she was also really stimulated by all her new surroundings and people. I think that is one reason she started to roll. So proud of her!

Project Sleep in Crib: Day 3

Pretty good last night. She was a little hard to put to sleep, so I let her start out in the swing. I think it was because she didn't nap very well in the afternoon!

8-10 Petra swinging in swing
10-1 Petra in swing, not swinging!
1:30-6 Petra in crib!

Then she got tired again around 7:30, so she is napping in the swing! But pretty good. She moved off the wedge again, so I think I'm just going to take it out and see what happens...

Project Sleep in Crib: Day 2

Petra did really well last night. No SWING until this morning!!

9-3 Petra in crib
3:30-6 Petra in crib!
7-8 Petra in swing

I think if she would have slept until 7, she could have made it through the morning for her nap. But overall very good girl!! I did use a wedge in her crib last night, though I don't think it made much of a difference. She actually moved off it at some point.

"Talking" Petra

I'm unemployed and looking for a job right now, which is a little hard with a 3 month old! I just got a call that her daycare is avail at the end of June and there probably won't be a space until next year! So we'll probably put her in and HOPE I have a job by then or within a few months. Otherwise, we may take her out if the job market isn't looking so good.

Actually end of June would be pretty ideal for me to go back. I'm feeling ready, though I know it will be REALLY HARD to leave her every day, especially now that they are getting so fun and interactive. I feel like Petra grows so much every day. Lately she's been "talking" a lot and cooing at everything/everyone! I feel like the past few days it was hard to get her to nap because she is so interested in the world around her! But then she gets sooo fussy and tired.

I think today was the first day she realized I am the one who feeds her. She latched on and was staring right into my eyes and then broke out in a huge smile and then was sucking and staring at me. So cute! Normally she just sucks and doesn't seem to really notice anything else.

Here's her Talking video:
Petra Talking

Project Sleep in Crib: Day 1

Petra STTN on Sunday AND Monday! Yay, but that was with her swinging in her swing all night. I'm starting to feel like she should be outgrowing the need for the swing, but it is a crutch for us when nothing else works, so many nights I just don't want to bother. So I'm starting Crib bootcamp!

8:30 Got Petra to sleep and swaddled her in the swing
9:30 turned swing motion off
3:30 Petra awake for feeding
4:00 very sleepy Petra back in crib
6:15 Petra up for the day

Ideally, I'd like her to go 8pm - 7am, but this was pretty good for crib sleeping! I'm going to try the same thing tonight and for the next couple days. Putting her down in the swing and then moving her to the crib.

We survived!

Last week was the 3 month growth spurt, I think?! She was impossible!! She was hardly sleeping, incredibly fussy, and overall a very difficult week. I was thinking this is the new her?!

I thought it would never end and I'd have to get used to being sleep deprived and not getting anything done during the day. I wish I would have posted last week because it was hard, Hard, HARD! And I know I will never remember it and go through the same crisis next month when she has "the 4 month wakeful period"!

I was so relieved when Sunday she decided to take a long nap and even STTN last night!!! (8-7!) Whew! I'm not expecting a repeat, but yay for Miss P!! I got decent sleep until I woke up at 4 am worried about her- I finally got back to sleep at 5 am when I checked to make sure she was still breathing. Paranoid mommy!

As good of a sleeper as she is, she's back to sleeping in her swing. Hmmmm...so I need to get her back in the crib. I am not going to force the issue and honestly I don't even care if she keeps sleeping in the swing, but it makes taking her places difficult because she won't nap longer than 20 min. when laying on a flat surface. We'll get there...

on demand...

I've been feeding on demand since Day 1, and in the beginning it was tough. Can she really be hungry AGAIN?! But I've gotten much better at reading her hunger cues and knowing when she needs the boob, which isn't as often as it used to be. She doesn't take a paci, so I use it to comfort her sometimes and she loves falling asleep while/after nursing. This is all fine for me now, but I was starting to worry about how anyone else would be able to take care of her?!

But you know, when mom isn't around, she knows the boobs aren't either! She will take a paci from Daddy and even tolerate being put to sleep without too much complaining. I think it is a little more difficult for her without me, but not impossible. So hopefully if/when I go back to work, she'll adjust.

Different Baby

I swear Petra is changing so quickly! When we were in OK, she slept swaddled in a crib just fine! Good girl, but as much as I wanted to push her out of her swing and get her to STTN, it makes me sad to see her grow up. I didn't sleep in the nursery last night as usual, and I missed her!

She did great in Oklahoma. Everyone loved seeing her and holding her. I was having oversupply issues when we were traveling, which makes her choke (scary!) I wasn't pumping in the morning and she just seems to be eating less frequently. I'm trying to get her to stretch to 3 hours, but it also makes me really full and sometimes I only give her one side. I think I'm regulating now...

There were 5 babies on our side at Mark's family reunion. It was so fun to see them all together, and I felt so happy that we have Petra.

Another change-- she took a pacifier on the way home and really seemed to like it! Daddy gave it to her, so maybe she just won't take it from me when she can have the real thing? That's okay, as long as she can be soothed!

Experiments in Sleep...

So from very early on Petra has been sleeping swaddled in her baby swing. And it works-- she goes to sleep ~7-2, 3-7, 8-9:30. But we're starting to feel like this can't go on forever, so we should probably transition her out of the swing. We were also thinking about not swaddling-- she's been sucking on her fingers lately, so she may even start soothing, which would be GREAT since she won't take a paci!

We tried to do it all last night-- what a disaster! Without being swaddled, it took her forever to fall asleep. When I tried putting her in the crib, her eyes popped right open! URG! I spent about 2 hours trying to get her down and then passed her off to Mark. He was with her until about midnight. I then fed her, swaddled, and put her in the swing. She slept 12:45-6:45! which is good, but what a nightmare getting her down, and she really needs a lot more sleep than that.

I think we need to do things one at a time. So, first goal is to get her out of the swing. I've been using the timer on the swing, so she swings for about 30 min, but then just sleeps in the swing not swinging. That has been going well, so hopefully we'll be able to move her out of the swing after a week.

We're visiting Mark's family in Oklahoma soon, which we're all really looking forward to, but I do worry about how the nights will go... His cousins have babies, so I'm hoping one of them will have a swing! But minimum, she'll be swaddled for sure!!

Car Seat Update-- she has suddenly taken to the car seat!! YAY!! We've been driving around without tears and even went in the stroller in a few stores and she fell asleep!! YAY!! She also fell asleep on the way home from Grandma's and took a nap in it for a few hours!

cabin fever!!

Ugh, I really want to get out of the house sometimes, but I feel like I can't. Petra really hates her car seat, which means she hates her stroller. She can't sit up yet, so her stroller is just a frame that the car seat fits into. I wish I had taken her more places in the first few weeks to get used to it, but with the weather and cold & flu season, it really wasn't a good idea. And maybe she would still hate it?

If I put her in her car seat to go someplace, she'll be fine when she's in the car, but as soon as we get out and go into the store, she screams! which is awful if we're in Target or a restaurant or anyplace.

To go on walks, I put her in her moby wrap because we usually can't even get to the end of the block in the car seat-stroller. :( She just falls asleep in the Moby. I like wearing her, and I'm find with it for now, but I would like the option of using our stroller! Plus it is going to get kinda hot sooner or later.

My Happy Girl

She's starting to smile!! (at the end of the slideshow)

Healthy Hips!

Yay! I just got back from the specialist, and Petra DOES NOT have hip dysplasia!! Apparently the ultrasounds are notoriously wrong.

The doctor was SO NICE. He came in and examined her physically and said he didn't feel anything, but said we should do an x-ray just in case. She was a really good girl for her x-ray, and he showed me that she has totally healthy hips. He even pointed out some ball(?) that he said they sometimes don't see until 6 months. So he thought she was a very healthy girl! :) She goes back in June, just to be safe, but he didn't think she'd have any problems. And we don't have to do anything special for her.

Awesome! I'm so relieved! We would have dealt with it, but it definitely sounds like it can be a real challenge with this harness, casts, etc. I wish they had waited to let the doctor diagnose her, but now I am more aware about this condition, so if I ever see a parent with a baby that has it, I will know how to respond. I was so concerned that she would be treated differently, and that made me really sad. I also didn't like thinking about my baby in a harness or having to hold her a special way and not be able to snuggle her close. These parents are really strong for getting their kids the help they need.

I have a hip baby... (kinda bad news)

So Petra was diagnosed with hip dysplasia. At her 1 month appointment, her hip was making this clicking sound, so the pedi ordered an ultrasound.

The u/s it showed that her left leg/hip was out of socket. It is more common in girls, first born babies, and breech babies (although Petra wasn't breech). This can cause problems later on when she is walking like a limp and arthritis. She has an appointment Monday with an orthpedic pediatric specialist.

Good news is they found it early (before her bones have calcified) and it is easily treated. Since we found it now, she probably will not need surgery or major casts and just need a harness that holds her legs in a 'froggy' position, but it is still a little distressing as her mom. I just want her to be healthy and happy.

I have felt a little sad about this, and I'm sure it will be hard to see her in her harness, but I feel so lucky to have her and she is still my beautiful, perfect baby.

Some links about hip dysplasia:
http://www.hip-baby.org/index.html

Mommy meltdown

I think we're in the 6 week growth spurt. At least I hope that's what all this fussiness is about. A few days ago someone swapped my angel baby with this little devil! She is not sleeping nearly as well and it was really taking its toll.

Yesterday, I finally broke down and called Mark to come home early. He came in and I just left the house! I was crying when I left and felt really bad, but I just couldn't be around her for one more second. I was out for about 2 hours just to Kohl's and Target, but it was what I needed before I could face being a mom again.

Mark agreed she has been pretty hard to please lately, but she goes from a total pain in the ass to the most adorable baby in minutes!

9 lbs 14 oz!

At her 1 month today, Petra has gained over 2 lbs!! Yay! :)

She was visited this weekend by her Sona Mausi (my stepsister). It was great having her here! Petra got lots of cuddling and Mark and I even got a sushi date!

Oh and she hasn't slept through the night again, but still doing pretty good for a 1 moth old!

She did it AGAIN!

She slept from 10:30-6 am! I could get used to this, but I probably shouldn't!

She's going bald! As seen by the patch on the front of her head! I've also been finding hair in her hats!

And this is a pic from her daddy singing to her last night. She was in AWE! :)

OH! Thanks Ariella for saying it was common to nurse a lot in the evenings! I found this link with some great ifo:
http://www.kellymom.com/babyconcerns/fussy-evening.html

update

Breastfeeding is going well so far. I haven't had any issues with supply or infections. We just introduced bottles and pacifiers this past week. She definitely prefers me, but she'll take a bottle and is learning to soothe with the pacifier.

Last weekend she was visited by my sister's family from Atlanta and met her cousins! It was fun to see all of them together, even though she still isn't too interactive.

This week Mark went back to work, and I'm doing okay home with Petra. I have been wearing her with a Moby wrap, so I can get some things done. She sometimes naps in her bouncer, but goes to sleep much easier next to me.

sleep begets sleep

I think we are REALLY lucky-- this baby is a GREAT sleeper! There have been several nights where she has slept in 4+ hour stretches, wakes up to eat, and goes right back to sleep. And last night she pretty much slept through the night! She was out from 10:30 - 5 am. I'm not necessarily expecting a repeat, but it seems like she'll be one of these babies who sleeps through the night early on.

That said, I do get tired in the evening. She seems to want to nurse almost every hour after 5 pm, but I try to be patient, since I know I'll get my break at night.

My Birth story (long!)

Getting pregnant was really hard, but I feel so lucky because for the most part, BEING pregnant was an absolute joy I loved nearly every minute. And I feel like my birth was everything I wanted it to be. We have so little control over our bodies and our fertility, so I feel very thankful to have come through this with a little girl and feel ultimately SPOILED to have had the pregnancy and birth that I did.

Recap:
38w2d 3 cm 60% effaced "You will go any day!"
39w2d 3 cm 60% effaced "Maybe we'll see you this weekend!"
40w6d 4 cm 60% effaced "We should schedule an induction"
41w2d 6 cm 80% effaced "I know I'll be delivering you this weekend."
41w3d Started REAL labor!!

I went to the midwife on Friday 2/20 desperate to avoid an induction, which was scheduled for Tuesday. Having a natural birth has been very important to me, so I really didn't want to use pitocin. The MW seemed convinced I would go before then and wouldn't need the induction, though they'd been telling me that for weeks! She also recommended I take Castor Oil the next morning to naturally induce. I was nervous about doing it on my own, but under her care/direction, I was willing to try.

2/21
11 am drank 4 oz castor oil with a smoothie
12 pm puked everything in my stomach!
2 pm had bad diarrhea (liquid)
2:30 pm timeable contractions started coming every 4-6 min! After about 30 min of those, we called the midwife and headed to the hospital

3:30 pm
We got to the hospital and were admitted. When I got to my room, I was put in a gown on the bed and hooked to the fetal monitor. Contractions were painful, but I could rest/recover during the breaks. After they saw good movement/heartbeat, I was able to get in the jacuzzi bath! HEAVEN! Contractions still hurt, but I was able to work through them much better on my hands and knees in the nice tub. They also had some bars around the tub to hold if I wanted to stand up. Mark was amazing, helping me breath through all the contractions and pouring warm water over me.

5:40 pm
After awhile in the tub, I started feeling too warm and nauseous, so I got out and sat on my birth ball. I was definitely in a lot more pain and contractions were coming closer together. I never felt an urge to push, but after awhile, the nurse helped me into bed to check my dialation -- I was at 9+ with almost no cervix, so I stayed on the bed. My water still hadn't broken, but I felt a little trickle. Just as my midwife was about to break it, I felt a big gush. Fortunately, the water was clear, so no meconium! I was a little worried since she was so late and the castor oil!

6:20 pm
Shortly after that I felt a HUGE movement! My baby had been posterior almost her entire 3rd tri, and I think this is when she turned. After she turned and moved down, I had a few bad contractions, still not feeling any urge to push, but they checked again and I was ready.

6:30 pm
The contractions hurt really badly, and somehow pushing felt much better. They pushing was physically intense, but I was not in pain. During all of it my midwife was using oil and massaging my perineum, which hurt. (Thanks to my midwife I had no perineal tears!! I did have a small labial tear, but it hasn't really hurt to use the bathroom or anything, so I feel pretty lucky! I did Kegels and perineal massage for weeks prior to the birth, so that probably helped too.)

Mark was holding one of my legs and watched the whole thing! I hadn't really wanted to watch and was even a little freaked out when the nurses had me reach down and feel her head! But every push felt productive and I knew I was getting close when the nurses came in with the warmer. This motivated me, and I kept pushing harder.

7:40 pm
I had one huge push and felt her head come out. I waited for a contraction and pushed again and out came baby Petra! They put her on my chest and she was so squirmy and wiggly! We delayed the cord cutting until it was no longer pulsing and Mark got to cut it. We are a family! Amazing!

Here is the slideshow:

Mark is an AMAZING daddy already!

Mark really is an amazing father. It seems like a lot of men are afraid of babies and especially newborns.

When we were in the hospital, Mark would wake up in the morning and hold her for an hour and gaze into her eyes!

The only time she seemed to cry was when she was cold and getting her diaper changed. Mark rigged up a heater (after mean mama said not to bother) and now she gets a warm air bath and happy diaper changes.

The past few nights have been rough with her staying awake or nursing a good part of the night. Mark figured out how to calm her (thank you Happiest Baby on the Block!) and got me much more sleep and a happier baby.

He also sings and plays guitar to her daily and she just eats it up!

And he does just the little things, very nurturing-- like changing her diaper or putting a hat on her or snuggling and kissing her.

I love my husband so much, and having a baby has really enriched that relationship in a very special way. I love seeing him being a father to Petra. I feel so lucky to have this family.

I had my baby!!

I will post the birth story soon. I know everyone disappears for awhile after they have their babies and now I know why! If I'm not caring for her, I am sleeping! But it is so amazing being a mom. I cannot describe how much I love this little baby.

Petra Jo M born 2/21 at 7:40 pm 7 lbs 11 oz 20"

6 cm & 80% effaced

I cannot believe I'm not in active labor?! This has either been the longest pregnancy or longest labor ever! 7 cm is usually "transition" when you are in the most painful part, according to my birth class instructor!!

I saw the midwife this weekend, and she seemed confident I would not need the induction on Tuesday. I hope she is right, but they have been telling me that for 3 weeks now! However, I have made a lot of progress since Tuesday when I was at 4cm and 60%. So I might actually believe her this time. Again, the baby is still doing great, so no worries on keeping her in a little longer.

She swept my membranes and also recommended the castor oil tomorrow morning, so I'm going to do that. I'm not sure if it will put me in labor, but I can call her over the weekend, so I feel more comfortable doing that than just trying it on my own.

She also said the they may just break my water instead of starting pitocin for the induction. I'm not sure which I would prefer. In some ways, I like the natural breaking the water with no pit and still able to change positions, etc, but I have also read if the baby is posterior and labor is stalled, you shouldn't break the water because the cushion of water gives the baby more opportunity to get in position. So, I'll have to weight the pros/cons of that.

But overall, I'm feeling much better about the birth and hopefully going into labor on my own. I may actually meet my baby this weekend...!

Getting over it

I went to the doctor yesterday and the good news is the baby is still doing fantastic-- perfect heartrate on the NST and perfect fluid level. So no urgency in getting her out.

But the bad news is, I am still pregnant and now I have an induction date for Tuesday. I was seriously in labor for a few hours last night-- like major contractions that increased when I was walking. But I got home had it for another hour and then it all disappeared! Beyond frustrating!

I started looking into things a little more, and I think the reason I'm going so late is because she is posterior. Her head just isn't in the right position to trigger labor. I had not been worrying about this because I thought she'd just turn when I was in labor, but now I'm wishing I would have done more. I've been trying now, but I think she's too big and too low until I start getting contractions again.

I think maybe I should just resign myself to the idea of having a c-section. And it isn't guaranteed I will need a C, but I think I need to prepare for that since it is about 50% chance. I don't have a lot of confidence that the induction will work-- I think I'll be in labor and then she won't be able to turn and then go into distress.

I keep telling myself, I should be thankful I'm having a baby at all. So what if the birth isn't the perfect birth I had so wanted?-- that may not have happened anyway.

And what is bad about a c-section if the baby arrives safe and alive? I'm just scared bonding and breastfeeding won't go well or that my uterus will collapse (already had 1 surgery and it is abnormally shaped). I wouldn't choose it, but my little girl is the most important thing.

Sister Visit!

My stepsister came this weekend. I think the original idea was to see the baby, but she is still not coming out! We still had a fun time, though. We saw my parents, went for a walk, watched a few movies, and just hung out-- nice to have a distraction for the weekend!

Nothing much new to report on the baby. She's still moving around a lot, and I'm feeling so ready to have her! The most uncomfortable part is this little burning spot on my upper belly-- nothing seems to help. And I'd love to be able to sleep on my back and/or tummy again.

I go to the doctor tomorrow to strip my membranes and do a NST just to monitor the baby and my contractions. I feel like things are progressing, just slowly-- I get more cramping and more contractions every day, but it never seems to turn into labor. I'm also going to acupuncture tomorrow too.

Still pg, but got a card "Congratulations on the birth of your baby!"

Um no. I'm still pregnant! Ugh, but I've resigned myself that she is overdue and I'm okay with that. I was getting anxious because I wanted her here more for others even than myself. I keep getting emails from well-meaning friends who just want to know, but it was making me feel like there was something wrong! And my sister is flying in tonight, though I had told her awhile ago that there may not be a baby-- though I think we both expected there would be!

I had a OB appt. yesterday, and it went well. Baby is still measuring great-- she suspected 6.5-7 lbs, just by feeling, so not huge, which is good, since that could cause problems getting her out! She also told me she is posterior (sunny side up), which I had thought myself for awhile! She could change during labor, so I'm just going with that. Apparently her head was really low and "wedged" in there, so I don't know if there's much I can do to change it anyway until contractions start.

And the most exciting part-- she stripped my membranes! It was uncomfortable, but not horribly painful. Hopefully since I feel so ready, this will give me the extra boost I need. I go back Monday or Tuesday and they'll do it again along with a non-stress test, just to make sure the baby is doing okay. I go again on Thursday or Friday, when they'll do it again and then schedule the induction.

Induction won't happen until 42w, which I would prefer, and I may try to push a few extra days if baby is okay. It will be a little boring for our visitors, but the most important thing is waiting until the baby and my body are really ready.

I'm going to acupuncture today too, so hopefully that will give me a boost as well. I feel the most on the nights after acu, so I think it is doing something...

40weeks minus 1 day

Hopefully my last belly pic (for awhile!):



I'm measuring ~38weeks, depending on who the midwife is! So she still has a little room to grow.

Update to Bells Palsy

I think it *might* be getting a little better. I'm in a lot of pain on my left ear only at night for some reason, but I think I can turn up the corner of my mouth now?! I tried to take a picture, but honestly, no one could probably tell.

I would love it if this crap goes away soon!

I give up!

Okay, I have no idea when this kid is coming?! Sometimes I feel like it is really close, but then I start feeling good and don't think she'll be here for awhile.

In all reality, I'm not *that* uncomfortable. I feel big and it is hard to bend over and turn over in bed and the Bell's Palsy sucks, but I'm not in pain or swelling.

But I was really down last week, wondering when she would come-- I think they got me all excited. I was the same 3cm+ on Friday and this midwife didn't seem too concerned-- although she said something about who would be on call over the weekend?! whatever!

I was also feeling a little anxious because my sister is coming this weekend and Mark's parents will be here next week, and there may not be a baby. Plus, I don't want to go into labor when we have people here-- I think it will stress me out to have anyone around, except Mark. I don't want my mom or anyone at the hospital until after she is here.

But more than that, I don't want to be induced. I hope it won't come to that-- I don't think there is much risk of the baby getting too big, since I'm measuring ~38w, and I don't think they really start looking at it until after 41w. I shouldn't think about it now.

Getting closer?

Well, last night was miserable, so maybe I'm actually getting closer?

We went to sushi, and got some extra spicy rolls. I felt awful just before bed-- kind of like bad indigestion, but nothing really helped. Then the Bell's Palsy started this pain behind my ear that would NOT go away. I was able to sleep with a heating pad on my head behind my ear. Plus, she was rolling and moving around like crazy last night. I hope she wasn't bothered by the spicy food. Poor baby! I also lost my 'mucus plug' this morning. I'll spare the details, but it is also a good sign labor is coming.

This morning I woke up and still felt pretty bad, but amazingly I went to acupuncture and now feel soooo much better! It was strange because he put in a few needles and asked "does your tummy feel better?" and I realized "YES! It does!" Wow-- amazing! He mainly worked on labor stuff today because I'm improving on my face, but the biggest work will probably come after she is here.

So no baby yet, but maybe soon?!

Productive Day

I'm feeling better today. I had acupuncture this morning, so I'm not sure if it was that or just getting out of the house?

I tackled a couple things that I really needed to get done that would be a lot harder after she is here-- getting on Mark's dental plan, since I'd have to do COBRA for mine. Thank goodness I'm already on his medical!

And I also did more to fight back on my disability. I don't even know if I'll get the money, but I want them to deny me because of employment, NOT because of some idiot who didn't even call my doctor. I got my medical forms and a doctor's note saying my last day of work was Jan 15, so hopefully that is enough!

I've also been trying to get in touch with HR about my severance. They only want to give me 4 weeks, even though I have worked there for 6 years, meaning I should get 6 weeks. I took a leave while we moved, but I was always employed by them. I think it is still going to be a fight, and I'm not hopeful. But they need to answer my questions. And as much as I dread doing this, I know it won't be easier after the baby is here!

So overall, probably good she hasn't come yet! Now we're hoping for Thursday because that is my mother-in-law and Mark's birthdays! It will be 3 generations born on Feb 5th! And then I don't need to get Mark a present, right?! :) And then most of you who took my poll might be right-- 39th week!

still waiting...

I felt like she might be coming this weekend, but we're still waiting! I would be surprised if it takes another week, but we'll see...

I have felt pretty down the past couple of days. I think it is just being at home and the Bell's Palsy and just waiting. I just don't feel perky or excited about anything. Usually if I feel this way, getting out of the house or being active helps, but in this case, I just feel exhausted. I think it is more of a hormonal thing. I hope when the baby comes, I'll be full of all those "love" hormones, that I'll be able to shake this. Mark is a very calming influence, which is nice. He has been making me walk a ton to try to bring on the labor-- he's ready to meet his baby!

I got a stupid letter from disability saying my doctor never called them back, so they closed my case. Last week they left me a message and I called them back with the right extension since they had just been calling the nurse's line, but apparently they closed it anyway. Annoying! So now I have to chase down the medical records in order for them to reopen my case. As if I needed something else to do, but I AM doing it. I think this is part of their game to deny people what they are owed.

I also haven't called about my severance. Or I just did tonight, but had to leave a message. I have been feeling so unmotivated to fight with them. And I really wanted to come at them from a place of strength, which I really haven't been feeling. But I think I can do it now-- I feel up for a fight.

I am uncomfortable, but I'm still sleeping well, so I can be happy about that. Right now I'm feeling the baby simultaneously kick and punch me as she tries to spread out (no more room lady!). And now it is causing a contraction. She's got to be coming soon, right?!

Progress! @ 38w 2d

I went in for my regular OB appt yesterday (after already going 2x earlier that week for the Bell's Palsy). They were really late and making me late for acupuncture and I was getting upset.

As soon as she walked in, she asked if I'd been having contractions. Sure-- all the time, and I've had pretty bad cramps the past several mornings. So she decided to give me an internal. I am 3 cm dilated and 60% effaced!! OMG-- I thought I had some dilation, but I wasn't expecting to be so far along! After that, I didn't really think too much about the BP-- I'm just excited to meet my daughter!

After the exam, they hooked me up to the monitor. I was having little contractions at about 6 min apart. They thought I would go into labor sometime this weekend! So, I think these tired, emotional feelings are mostly because of the labor. I was never hormonal or emotional during my pregnancy-- if anything, it really evened me out, and I just felt calm (a big change from the roller coaster infertility cycles!).

So, now we wait... We walked last night and I felt a lot of Braxton Hicks, but only 1 or 2 *real* contractions. Maybe tonight?

I also went to acupuncture yesterday for the BP. He used several points on me, but didn't want to go too strong since I'm so close to delivery. I have another appointment on Sunday, so we'll see if I make it!

Getting worse every day

The Bell's Palsy just keeps getting worse every day. I wonder if I'll wake up tomorrow with complete paralysis. I might have opted for the steroids if I'd known it was going to keep progressing. And now I think it is too late-- I should have had them very early on. I can barely move the left side of my face at this point. I have been taping my eye closed to go to bed at night, and I can't talk properly, and water spills out of my mouth.

In better news, my acupuncturist is going to get me in right away! So nice of him-- I had thought about it, but I really couldn't justify the cost. And it seems like everything that I've read just says it goes away on its own.

I feel like I should just be happy I'm having a healthy baby, but I can't even move my face to cry right now. It is starting to take a psychological toll because I don't think I'll be able to smile at my baby, which makes me really sad.

Bad Day :(

So I woke up yesterday and felt these little twitches on the left side of my face. Kinda weird, but I really didn't think much of it. I just figured the baby was pushing on a nerve or something funny. This morning I woke up and the left side of my tongue was a little numb. I googled around and figured out I have Bell's Palsy. I went to the OB today, and they confirmed it.

Fortunately, everything with the baby is just fine and this shouldn't affect her at all. I have a really mild case, since some people have paralysis on half their face. Mine is mostly twitching and my left eye is really dry. The doctor said it would likely clear up on its own. I just started getting scared because I don't know if this is the peak or I could wake up tomorrow with no expression on the left half of my face!

I keep telling myself this is all temporary and if this is the worst thing that happens to me during pregnancy, I'm doing pretty darn good. But I am also getting much more emotional and sensitive as the days get closer. I'm so glad I'm not working right now, but that leads me to my other bad news.

I have worked at my company for 6 years, meaning I should get 6 weeks of severance. However, I left my job in CA and became a casual employee for about 3 months until they asked me to come back full time. I never planned to come back, but I was specifically told not to quit until I got another job, so I could maintain my "years of service" if I ever did come back.

Well, you probably see where this is going-- they keep telling me I'm a "rehire" and I only get 4 weeks. I have denied my severance until I get some answers on this. But I just feel too emotional to call right now. And I feel this ticking clock that my baby could come any day now and I would really like to get this all resolved before then.

I'm just feeling overwhelmed by all of this, and certainly don't feel like the fighter I need to be. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow, and I can deal with it then.

My DIY Projects: boppy & nursing cover

I finished more DIY stuff, and this may be it... I made a boppy cover and a "hooter hider" with some leftover fabric.

For the boppy, I just cut up the old cover to make a pattern. I had bought it on consignment, so I didn't really like it anyway. It was really simple, and I actually had a lot of fun making it! The fabric is brown/pink damask on one side and this cute Eiffel Tower fabric on the other.

For the hooter hider, I used the patterns found here:
http://www.breastfeeding123.com/free-pattern-to-sew-your-own-nursing-cover/ Although I used ribbon for the straps, instead of making my own.

Take my Poll!

I've been feeling some signs that she's getting ready, so just thought I'd add a fun poll to see when my faithful readers thought she might be born!

I'm 37 weeks now, so full term, meaning she could be born anytime and not be considered premature. I've been having a lot of practice contractions lately, and also some just menstrual kind of cramping. And I feel like she is dropping lower too. I get these sharp little pains when I walk around sometimes. I have a doctor appt tomorrow, but I'm not sure if they do internal exams, so I may or may not get a progress update. Either way, I'll be having a baby anytime now!

So crazy to think about?! I'm actually glad that I'm not working right now, or I might be feeling kind of stressed to think about her coming so soon. I have really liked this week at home to just relax and feel more prepared. Getting there....

Nursery Pics!

Here is a slideshow of our Parisian Poodle nursery-- nearly complete, except for Baby! I did the wall letters as "Bebe" which is baby in French. I made the wall letters, crib skirt, valences, and beading on the lamp. I'm so happy with the result! Mark's mom is also making her a crib quilt with coordinating fabrics. The balloons are from my shower (over a month ago), so they won't be staying too long.

Last day of work...

I was laid off yesterday! I'm not quite sure how I feel. This is something I've sort of been wanting for awhile-- I hate my job and knew I would need to find something else on maternity leave. So now I get to leave and get some $$. But part of me is really irritated that they did this the week before I was going on maternity leave. I mean-- who lays off a 9 month pregnant woman?! I guess the timing isn't as bad as it might be like if I was 6 months or something.

I'm also annoyed because I have a ton of questions about collecting unemployment while pregnant and post partum and disability that they really couldn't answer. Come on-- if you are going to lay off the pregnant woman, you should at least know the benefits! They told me yesterday if I had already been out, I could keep collecting. And I told them I filed my claim yesterday, so does that mean my claim will go through? I've also been working there just 2 weeks shy of 1 year, which I have no idea what that means for unemployment?! I have to go back today and turn in my laptop, so hopefully they will be able to tell me.

My manager was upset that he had to do this. He said it basically makes no sense because if they are trying to cut costs-- why would they fire someone who is getting ready to go on a big leave? It also continues to surprise me that they don't let the managers make the decisions about who should go. This was the case with the layoff in June.

Anyway, overall, I probably did make out really well working there. It was very flexible, which was great for doing IVF. It was very low stress, and there were plenty of days where I took it really easy.

And financially, we'll be fine. I am on Mark's healthplan, and the baby will be too. She hasn't started daycare, so we can defer that until I'm working again (much better than having to pull her out and put her on the waiting list again!). We don't make quite enough to sustain me staying at home indefinitely, but our deficit isn't that bad.

I think I'd just feel a lot better if I had my questions answered.

went to LLL meeting today

I went to a Le Leche League meeting today. I heard it was a good idea to go before you have the baby, just to make some contacts. I'm glad I went, and I even checked a few books out from their "library"

There were about 10 moms and lots of kids of varying ages. We first introduced ourselves and then the leader read the LLL mission. We went around and talked about anything cute/milestones our babies had done (mine was hiccuping!). Then we talked about "Myths of Breastfeeding" which was today's topic. It was good, but I kind of felt like there was a little bit of bashing going on-- like is BFing really that adversarial? They talked about crap they'd gotten from other moms, family, work peers, pediatricians(?!), etc. Maybe it was just the topic? But overall it was nice to meet some other moms and get their take on things.

I feel like I've got a ton of info/support on breastfeeding now, so I just hope my baby takes to it!

Maternity Pics! @ 36w

We took some maternity pictures this weekend! I just had my mom and Mark do them, since I doubt they'll be something I frame/hang. They came out really cute! Looking at some of them-- I can't believe this is my body?! I was wearing some of my pre-pg jeans. Getting them on was...interesting, even unzipped! I think my hips (read ASS) has really spread. I don't know if these will ever fit again?! Oh well, I'm sure it will all be worth it.

OMG-- I just looked at my ticker, only 30 days left! Wow-- I never thought I'd get here. I can't believe I'm going to be a mom in just 1 more month.

All are here:

slide show

Here are some of my favorites:

Happy New Year!

2008 was a really good year for me. We moved back to NC from CA and managed to land on our feet! We both got jobs and bought a house and did IVF. I've had a really easy/happy pregnancy. And Obama got elected (had to throw that in for Mark).

So 2009 is looking to be an amazing year. We get to meet our little girl! I can't believe I'm going to be a mom in just over a month!

I started 2009 with the stomach flu, which was a little scary. I was worried Lulu wasn't doing well, and I was getting dehydrated, but I also just felt awful. I would have tons of Braxton Hicks after my bathroom trips :( Fortunately, it only lasted about a day, and Lulu seems to be fine-- moving around like normal!

I planned to do more in the nursery before I got sick, but I did manage to get through all her washing and organizing. I just loved folding all her little outfits. I can't believe we're going to be dressing her up in these tiny little sleepers! The nursery is in good shape and baby-ready, but I'd still like to get to the window valences and wall letters...